Escape the Hell (REWRITE)
by depressedchildren
Summary: The walls have ears, the walls remember, and no matter how hard we wish, some things can never be forgotten. The sin, the torture, the wrongness of it all - was enough to want to burn the fucking palace to the ground. Rewrite told from Zuko and Azula's perspectives (third person).
1. Prologue

_**Summary: **_The walls have ears, the walls remember, and no matter how hard we wish, some things can never be forgotten. The sin, the torture, the wrongness of it all - was enough to want to burn the fucking palace to the ground. Rewrite told from Zuko and Azula's perspectives.

**Warnings for this chapter: **metaphors (?) and spoilers if you haven't seen Sozin's Comet.

_**A/N:**_ This is a rewrite, obviously, of Escape the Hell, one of my very first fanfics. It's also an apology for brashly deleting the fanfic. Below is my formal apology to former readers and my reasons for having deleted it. This is told from Azula and Zuko's perspectives (third person because I absolutely cannot stand first person) to make it more cohesive with my current style and add a further level to it while being more grammatically correct. (why does english not have a third person gender neutral singular possessive?)

**Author's Apology: ** I am truly sorry to all of those that were hoping I would finish Escape the Hell, I wasn't even aware people read it still. I unfortunately no longer have it on my computer but I'm willing to rewrite it, however it won't be exactly like the original. This time around I won't be in as much of a writing trap and hopefully it reflects more of my current writing style. I'll try to keep it more écriture feminine like the original was, but my style has conformed to the phallogocentric academic writing style. (This means it's going to be more linear than it was before).

The main reason I stopped writing Escape the Hell was because I felt utterly uncomfortable with the subject matter and I no longer knew where I was going. I had written myself into countless traps and it just didn't sit with me well anymore. I was ashamed of the grammatical errors and I was horrified by how callously I treated everything involved in the subject matter - thank you College for putting _that_ into perspective. (Though I do love reading stories where Zuko gets completely fucked up emotionally, physically, and mentally – I just have a harder time writing it now that well…being in the real world that shit can happen to you)

Truth be told, I wrote the original when I was fourteen and I disassociated sex from all of its real life implications. I've grown up much since then, and from the last update I think it was fairly clear how uncomfortable I was about writing sexual scenes.

I'll do my best to recreate it with this new focus, however much of what was explicit in the original will be implied now. Again, I apologize for deleting that so brashly, I suppose I could have asked if anyone wanted to adopt it or something.

Again, I apologize ~ with much love and sincere apologies, depressedchildren

* * *

_**Prologue**_

* * *

Zuko didn't think, he just reacted - so he jumped in front of the lightning streaming toward Katarra, who still hated him. He didn't think before he acted, yet now, as the lightning coursed through him, he could think of a million things. The thoughts surged through his mind like the electricity boiling his blood and destroying his organs.

Through his darkening vision, he imagined his sister looked horrified before the waterbender began to attack. Perhaps it was his imagination but he could have sworn Azula was crying… Ever since the Boiling Rock incident, he knew his sister was becoming more and more unhinged. He always wanted to protect her, but sometimes he wondered if he had only damaged her more.

He could feel his stomach cramping and blood beginning to pool around him. Part of him felt the pain but the rest of him was so far away, so far away from it all. His vision completely blotted out and he could no longer hear the sounds of fighting, yet still his thoughts whirled around inside of his mind.

Everyone knew now, everyone but Uncle, and perhaps that was for the best? Zuko liked to think it was for the best, at least. The Spirits knew too, of course, that was why they cursed him. They knew Zuko was never going to escape this twisted, dark _thing_ – it could never be called a relationship – so they "blessed" him. The Spirits must have known all along through some sort of spiritual foresight.

He just hoped he could explain it to Azula; to help her understand better because he wasn't lying to her, and he never meant to hurt her. He wanted to protect her from what he had been through, but also to protect her from what hurt Mother about it all. He could see the disgust and pity on all of their faces, "all" meaning the Avatar's group, but he had only seen hurt and confusion in Azula's eyes – for she was too good a warrior to express such emotions blatantly.

Zuko hoped this wasn't the end, there was so much that needed to be done, especially if Aang succeeded. If Avatar Aang succeeded…Fire Lord Ozai's reign would come to an end along with this Spirits-forsaken war, and a new Fire Lord would have to help restore the balance in the world. Uncle told Zuko he would have to become the new Fire Lord, that there had always been conflict between great good and evil within him. Uncle told Zuko he must be the one to lead the Fire Nation out of this darkness, he was to be the new face of the Fire Nation, the face that had been scarred by their element as much as the rest of the world.

Zuko prayed to the Spirits that he would wake up soon, that he would fulfill his destiny and not die here. There was so much he needed to do, even though he had desired to die in the past, he needed to hold on now. They needed to let him live. He knew Katarra would do all in her power to keep him alive despite her hate/disgust for him, especially after he saved her life. He just hoped the Spirits allowed it.

His thoughts were slowing down now. They plodded to the surface like lumbering badgermoles, and like the dirt badgermoles accumulated around them in their ascent, memories began to surface as well.

* * *

**_A Suivre_**

* * *

**_A/N: _**Again, I apologize for deleting the original. However, I'm not sure how often I can update this, especially with rewriting and trying to make it as grammatically correct (excluding stylistic quirks) as I am currently am capable of making it. I have an 18 credit course load, and I'm in a play, plus there are two other fanfics I'm really working on. I will try to update it with my other two that I'm focusing on but no true guarantees. You can guilt trip me if you like, that will probably work, but who knows about the quality or quantity. I really do apologize to former readers. ~ With love, depressedchildren


	2. Chapter 1

_**Summary: **_The walls have ears, the walls remember, and no matter how hard we wish, some things can never be forgotten. The sin, the torture, the wrongness of it all - was enough to want to burn the fucking palace to the ground. Rewrite told from Zuko and Azula's perspectives.

_******Warnings for this**_****** chapter:** Implied child abuse, molestation, and rape.

**A/N:** So, this is an exceptionally long chapter, mostly told from Azula's perspective, sorry but if it's any consolation I am not a fan of her either. However, this felt like the perfect place for some introspection on they psychotic princess's behalf, and it shows some of the struggles Azula faced seeing abuse in her family. So enjoy the chapter ~ with love, depressedchildren

* * *

Chapitre 1

* * *

_**His thoughts were slowing down now. They plodded to the surface and memories came with…**_

Zuko stared out at the lapping waves; the salt air was refreshing and reminded him of his first true home – the ship with Uncle and his crew. He closed his eyes and let the sea breeze ruffle his hair.

Part of him was glad they were sent away to Ember Island; however, another part of him was quickly consuming the rest of him with dread. His father was meeting with generals and councilors, though that was common considering they were in a war; Zuko knew these meetings were not about the war – why else would Azula have been sent away as well?

"You're moping," a monotone voice stated beside him, Zuko refrained from stiffening and instead frowned.

"I just hate being treated like a child," his voice came out a little weak and less emotional than he had intended. He meant to sound angry, to be raging, yet he could not muster those emotions. He felt dead inside.

His less than explosive reaction caught Azula's attention. She eyed him out of the corner of her eye for a moment before she spoke, "Well Zu-zu, think of it as a well-earned vacation, hmm?" her tone was imperious and cool, yet he could tell she was just as annoyed. Zuko could also tell she was angry, the slight tightness in her jaw alerted him to said emotion.

Anger was always the easiest emotion to spot on anyone, or perhaps he just honed in on it?

Mai was annoyed as well, but at least she wasn't angry about the situation. Only Ty Lee was happy in their group. Of course she was though; nothing seemed to get her down. Well…perhaps there was one thing that got her down.

Whenever she read his aura she seemed sad, and most of the time she avoided reading it all together. It made Zuko wonder what exactly she could see in those auras, but he was afraid to find out the answer. Ty Lee had developed the skill when they were children, and even back then she would eye him strangely but never talk about his aura. She never had problems broadcasting everyone else's auras, so it only added to his curiosity.

Zuko made a noise at the back of his throat and watched as the beach drew closer and closer. A shiver went up his spine at the sight of the royal beach house.

"Your family used to come here when you were younger right?" Mai asked beside him.

Zuko glared at the building atop the jungle covered cliff. Just being in its shadow had his stomach dropping to the deck. He nearly jumped when Ty Lee put a hand on his shoulder. Her brow was furrowed and… Zuko's eyes widened marginally at the knowing which reflected in those usually innocent, brown eyes. He schooled his reaction and shrugged her hand off.

"That was a long time ago," his voice was low and he glared at the wooden structure surrounded by thick jungle. It looked so innocent up there, but surely the walls remembered? Just like the palace walls remembered.

* * *

Azula huffed as she sat down onto her beach towel. Zuzu had spread out a towel for Mai, and he even put up an umbrella for the perfectly pale girl. Azula uncrossed her arms and leaned back on them.

What did it matter that Zuzu was acting like the perfect boyfriend; that had been the plan all along. She'd keep him on their side through Mai, and she'd keep Mai on her side by playing with Mai's love for Zuzu.

Azula really could not see what the girl saw in her brother. He had always been weak and sickly as a child. Father beat him a lot too - she knew, she saw the bruises. Mother beat him once before – mother had never beat _her_ once, no matter how much of a monster she thought Azula was. Why would Mai want someone so blatantly weak and was beat on by everyone?

She glared out at the surf and she wondered why no one wanted her.

Her hands balled into fists with the fabric of the beach towel between them. She didn't think that, she didn't. Azula's glare narrowed further when she saw her brother helping the kids she had scared off. It was their fault they built their sand castle in the perfect sun bathing location.

Azula looked down at her lightly tanned skin, perhaps she should be under an umbrella like Mai. Mai was a pale goddess, beautiful, and clearly noble if she could afford to not be out in the sun. Maybe if Azula sat under an umbrella too and worked to pale her complexion someone would want her…? No…Azula couldn't hide under an umbrella, she needed to feel the sun's rays. Its heat stoked her inner fire and reinvigorated her, as a firebender she could not hide from the sun. She couldn't be perfectly pale like Mai, not ever.

Azula watched her brother help those little kids rebuild their sand castle. He was good with them, somehow. Azula couldn't understand it. Her gaze narrowed as she tried to parse out what made her brother so good with children. He was gentle, and coaxing. Zuzu smiled softly at them and laughed with the kids when the surf came in to ruin the work they had accomplished.

He was just like mother.

Azula scowled and glared at the sad sand rendition of a castle. She hoped a big wave would come in and destroy it completely. She smiled slightly at the thought. It faltered when she saw them digging a trench around the structure. Soon they would be done and Zuzu would leave the brats be. She scowled when the little kids hugged her brother so openly and he returned the embraces if not a little warily.

Zuzu was weak, he was gentle; he was everything a firebender shouldn't be. He was a disgrace, yet…yet she remembered.

She remembered when she had accidentally burned her favorite toy. He tried to repair it, and when that didn't happen, Zuzu carved her a new toy. Azula glared down at the sand beside her. She had pretended to throw it away, but it was in a box under her bed where no one could find it and know how…how special it was.

She could remember when she had broken something – a gift Father was planning to give Grandfather – eight-year-old Zuzu had taken the blame. Father had been so angry, it had even terrified her, and Zuko had been gone for nearly a week. He could barely walk when Azula had seen him again. She shuddered to think what father would have done to her. In fact, all throughout their childhood, Zuzu admitted to doing whatever Azula had broken. He was always punished when she should have been.

She clenched her fists tighter. No one ever reprimanded her, no one ever punished her. Mother may have shunned her by favoring Zuko, but she never disciplined Azula. After Zuzu was banished, even when Azula did something deserving of a punishment, a punishment never came. It annoyed her, what was so special about _Zuko_ that made him deserving of reprimand, of discipline? Was Azula such a monster, such a lost cause, that no one even bothered?

So lost in her thoughts she nearly jumped when Zuzu kneeled beside her with an ice cream cone in his hand. Azula could not help but quirk an eyebrow, he had three more in his hands, so she deduced he was giving them to all of them.

She accepted the cone but did not begin eating it. She glared at the quickly melting treat. It was so like Zuzu to give them all something. She shut her eyes and gritted her teeth. Zuzu always gave her his desert or he would give her his fire flakes when they went out of the palace as a…a family.

She swallowed thickly and took a tentative lick from the treat. Star-Berry, she mused and hid her smile with the ice cream. She loved how sweet yet tart Star-Berries were. She remembered picking a whole basket with Zuzu when they vacationed here.

Azula blinked as she was forced from her thoughts by angry shouting. She looked over at the commotion and could not help but roll her eyes. Ty Lee had attracted a little harem of men to fawn over her, or so it seemed. She would never understand how Ty Lee could do that, though she secretly wanted to.

Most of the men were nearly a head taller than her brother and visibly more muscled. They tried to look more imposing than they were, which when looked at from an outside perspective, they did look imposing next to her diminutive brother. Zuzu had his arms up in a "no-harm-meant" gesture, but with his back faced towards her, she could not be certain what expression he was making. However, Azula noted that some of the men began to flush a little and looked dazed.

"I'm just giving my friend an ice cream, I'm no competition, honest," her brother gave an airy laugh which seemed to cause more of the boys to blush. Azula frowned. Why were they acting like that for her _brother_ of all people? What with that ugly scar and clearly masculine body, what was there to blush over? It wasn't right. If those boys should be blushing at anyone in the royal family, it should be Azula, not _Zuko_.

Zuzu turned back around and sat down beside Mai, but not under the shade of the umbrella. At least he was soaking up the sun like any true firebender. Azula looked away and back down at her treat. Some of it had melted on to her fingers so she quickly lapped that up.

Azula began to frown again. Her brother did not make any sense, he never had. There were months at a time where he would just whither like a plant left out in the sun too long without enough water. He would get so pale, and he would move around the palace like a ghost. He was skittish and he would jump at any sudden noise. He'd stop eating too and Father treated him so coldly. She never saw him beat Zuzu, but she knew he did. Then, Mother and Father would argue, they would _scream _at each other, over _Zuko_.

She would try to listen in but Zuzu would always show up and usher her away. She learned to follow him when he showed up because otherwise Father would yell at Zuzu _and_ Azula. He and Mother would then physically fight over Zuko like some kind of toy right in front of Azula. Azula could still remember seeing the bruises on his upper arms during firebending practice; Father's marks were darker but Mother's left scars from when her nails broke Zuko's skin.

Father would always win by slapping Mother hard, with the back of his hand so that his signet ring cut her cheek. Then Father would pull a shaking Zuzu down the hall and they would disappear into _that_ room. The room she was never allowed in, let alone _near_.

One time, Mother broke down in front of her and even hugged Azula after Father dragged Zuzu away. Was it so terrible? Why did she have to break down for Zuzu being beaten? Why couldn't Mother feel sad about her, about ignoring her for _Zuko_. Azula glared at the surf and felt the air heating up in response to her bitter thoughts.

Azula still did not understand what all it was about; their screaming made it hard to understand. But Mother talked about how Father was a monster, how he was Zuzu's father, and he shouldn't be treating Zuzu this way.

Father would yell things, terrible things back at Mother. Azula didn't know what all of the words meant when she was little but her tutors told her never to repeat those words, and her mother had said similar things when she brought it up once. Now she knew what her father had been saying and it made her stomach twist.

If he really thought of Mother that way, did that mean he didn't value her as his daughter? Did that mean she was expendable? Did all men believe women were whores for child bearing and rearing?

She didn't understand it at all! After Zuzu turned seven their family changed. Mother had beat _Zuko,_ her precious little son, and he locked himself in his room for days until Mother came pleading at his door. After that, Mother was always at Zuko's side, she taught all his lessons and made some swords-master from the country come in and teach Zuko combat. Then, when Zuzu was summoned by Father...Mother would look so defeated and…hopeless.

There was some sort of family secret that Mother and Zuzu did their best to keep her out of. It hurt to be excluded, yet she wondered if she would really want to know. Whatever happened when Zuzu turned seven had polarized their family even further. Mother no longer had time for her, and Father became blatantly cold to Mother. She didn't know why that bothered her but it did, it had always bothered her. She remembered seeing everyone else's parents, they all looked so happy and in love, but Azula's weren't.

Her throat felt tight and she had long since finished her ice cream. She needed to distract herself with something, anything. She watched the game going on to her right. It looked interesting, and she was sure they (Ty Lee, Mai, Zuko, and she) could dominate at it. Smirking, she stood up and brushed any sand off of her body.

She kicked the ball that had rolled towards her onto her foot, and then kicked it straight into the air so she could catch it. "We'll play next," she stated with a confident smile.

It was to her immense satisfaction that all of her minions turned to look at her and got into action. Ty Lee flipped over the boys kneeling around her and ran over to Azula, Mai stood up in a fluid motion while Zuzu shrugged off his vest. Azula refrained from frowning, but her gaze still narrowed. She could have sworn she saw burn marks on her brother, but she wasn't sure. If she had seen burn marks they were at the edge of his swimming shorts.

She mentally shook away those thoughts and called the group into a huddle. "See that girl with the silly pig-tails?"

Azula questioned and was pleased once more by them glancing over at the girl in question. The girl was juggling the ball with one foot.

"When she runs toward the ball…there's just the slightest hesitation of her left foot," Azula was smirking as she saw the girl exemplify her observation. With an imperious smile she added, "I'm willing to bet a childhood injury has weakened her. Keep serving the ball to her left and we'll destroy her and the rest of her team."

Azual refrained from quirking an eyebrow at her brother's wince. So typical, Zuzu didn't believe in such strategic planning to weaken enemies. It was _below _him to target his enemies' blatant weaknesses, and his overall disgusting sympathy made him hesitant to even do so. She'd condition him out of it.

"Dismissed," she stated evenly and they broke into formation.

It took only five moves to bring the other team to their defeat and with one explosive final move she beat them. Her adrenaline and the satisfaction of beating someone outside of bending caused her to speak without really thinking "Yes, we defeated you for all time. You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!" and perhaps part of her was remembering her failure to kill the Avatar. She just knew he was still alive, somewhere, but she wasn't completely sure yet.

She blinked and smiled at the rest of her team. Her brother was grimacing again, though it was slight - he must think her monster too. Azula forced her smile to stay in place, "Well, that was fun." For a moment Zuzu smiled, and his eyes softened in such a strange way that Azula was slightly alarmed.

Mother looked at Zuzu that way when they were children and he announced that he had had fun, why would he…it just didn't make sense!?

The look also reminded her of how _she _would look at Azula, but how could Azula be certain when she had never seen the slut's face. Besides, what did she care about how that slut treated her? _She_ would never be Azula's mother, no matter the fact her father was going to marry her. It was perfectly clear to Azula that her father sought the woman out as a concubine, nothing more, there was no love just lust.

Azula didn't want to think about the past few weeks she spent with the slut, where they traveled the to the distant parts of the Fire Nation to help her curry favor with the people as the next Lady Fire. She still wasn't sure what all she felt. It was…unsettling what she saw in the provincial regions, the distinct lack of prosperity in certain places. She swallowed and was thankful for a timely interruption from her thoughts.

"I'm having a party tonight," A teenager, perhaps of noble background with his hair pulled into a top-knot, addressed Ty Lee. Azula wasn't stupid; she could tell where the boy's gaze was focused. She clenched her fists slightly. "You should come by."

"Sure… I love parties," Azula was annoyed that Ty Lee hadn't even looked in her direction to make sure she was allowed.

A thinner boy, with wild hair and who stood behind the other, looked directly at Zuko and Mai, "And your friends can come along too," was it her imagination, or was that thinner boy checking out her brother and her brother's girlfriend. How did that even happen!? Couldn't he tell Zuzu was a boy!?

She gritted her teeth and noted Zuzu had tensed. She wondered why, was it because of her? Was he afraid she'd set these fools on fire for excluding her from their desirous gazes? "Thank you for the invitation," She stated with a cold smile, she knew they hadn't invited her but the thin one's invitation had been ambiguous enough to include her.

She could tell the thin one was going to correct her, regardless of decorum or politeness. She couldn't decide whether they were peasants or not from their blatant disrespect. "You don't know how we are, do you?" she asked softly and managed to keep her disbelief out of her voice while she motioned between herself and her brother.

The two teenagers looked at each other and then back at her, "Don't you know who _we _are? We're Chan and Roun-Jian." He looked down at her and it took almost all of her self-control to not snap, but then an idea was coming to her. They didn't know who she was, they didn't know she was one of the strongest firebenders in the world, and that could be one reason why she had so few suitors, well…suitors close to her age.

"Yeah," she assumed this was Roun-Jian who spoke and she could not help but smirk. She felt her brother take a few stuttering steps towards her - was he afraid she was going to blow up? She was not such a monster; she refrained from scowling at the thought. Zuzu didn't need to protect anyone from her, she had self-restraint.

"Just remember that all the most important teenagers in the Fire Nation are going to be there," Chan stated in a condescending voice. Oh yes indeed, Chan would have royalty at his party, the family line that had been chosen by Agni himself to rule.

She smiled a little wider at this, "Yes, of course," she saw in her peripherals that Zuzu had relaxed, he must have realized she wasn't going to do anything.

"So try and act normal," her smile faltered at Chan's addition and she raised an eyebrow. Did this boy think she was a monster? He didn't even know her; he didn't know she was a powerful fire-bender! Her throat felt tight for a second but she swallowed and the pressure left. She felt Zuzu's hand at the small of her back and she glared at him; however, he did not flinch like Ty Lee or Mai would have, he only gave her small smile.

It was like he knew what she was thinking, it disturbed her. She regained composer and gave a sickly sweet smile to the two boys, "We'll do our best. We don't want to shame you in front of such important guests," she almost felt giddy all of a sudden at that thought, she and her brother were their most important guests and their hosts didn't even know it!

This one thought drove away all of her other musings. Even when Zuzu asked her to play a game they used to play when they were little, she did not once think of their confusing family. She just enjoyed herself. She didn't even think about that whore Father was marrying, nor did she think about how nurturing Zuzu acted toward her. She just lived in the moment and reveled in the knowledge that those boys did not even know who she or Zuzu were!

As they were walking back to the beach house they rented from the hag twins, Zuzu walked closely beside her, "Why didn't you tell them who we were?" His arm brushed against her and his brow was furrowed slightly.

The sun had completely set, and though she wanted to have eaten and dressed for the party by now, Zuzu had convinced her it was better to be fashionably late. Ty Lee agreed with him. It was Ty Lee's support that made her agree to wait.

"I guess I was intrigued," she smiled slightly and noted Zuzu was smiling as well, "I'm so used to people worshiping us."

"They should!" Ty Lee piped in and walked on her hands as she fell back to where the siblings were walking.

"Yes, I know. I love it," She smiled again when Ty Lee flipped back onto her feet and continued walking beside them. Azula could not help but wonder if Ty Lee would be so agreeable if Azula wasn't the Fire Nation princess. Would Ty Lee have even been her friend?

She pushed away those self-doubting thoughts and was slightly annoyed that Zuzu was offering his silent support through brushing his arm against her again. How did he know what she was thinking?! He shouldn't!

"But for once, I just wanted to see how people would treat us if they didn't know who we were," she wanted to know if she was truly such a monster if no one knew how strong of a bender she was. Zuzu hummed beside her and nodded his head in understanding.

She wished he would stop doing that. She wished he would stop being so understanding - she wished he didn't know her so well. Yes she may have antagonized him with her lies when they were children, especially after Mother abandoned them, but recently he always seemed to know just what she was feeling or thinking. When they were children he was always able to tell when she was angry…but this knowing what she was thinking disturbed her more.

"What would those old women say?" Zuzu asked softly with a lopsided smile on his face. "Like the tide coming in to wash away footprints, the Ember Islands gives a fresh slate?" Ty Lee giggled beside them and she heard Mai snort. Azula, herself, let loose a few chuckles at her brother's impersonation of the hag twins.

They were now approaching the rented beach house with its Spirits-awful and gaudy decorations. The twins were already on the stairs and they were waving at them. From this distance Azula could already smell the scent of grilled meats slathered with tangy-sweet sauces. Her stomach grumbled and she heard her brother's stomach grumble as well.

He grinned at her and she found herself grinning in return. As if on the same brainwave, they raced toward the little beach house, just like when they were kids and their mother called them in for dinner. She was laughing by the time she reached the steps and turned around to see her brother panting beside her.

He was suffering still from however many months he lived on a refugee's diet. The way his ribs stuck out and how tawny his muscles looked reminded her of when they were children and Zuzu would go through those strange spells when he wouldn't eat. However, he was smiling right now which he never did that when they were kids and he was emaciated. She squashed down the impulsive desire to hug him. She didn't know why the thought even cropped up, but nonetheless she felt it for a moment.

She quickly turned back around and found the dining table laden with fish and grilled meats along with vegetables and rice. She and her brother seemed to have the largest appetites that evening, and little conversation passed amongst them, though the hag twins did try to generate discussion. As soon as they were done eating, Azula shot up from her seat and raced into her temporary bedroom.

She grunted in despair as she looked at her various silk outfits. What would look best on her? She gnawed at her lip and finally sought out Ty Lee. The perky girl giggled and quickly helped her find a suitable outfit. She then helped Azula dress and even did her hair. In return she offered to paint Ty Lee's nails. It was relaxing to do but she preferred having servants paint her own nails.

It was at least an hour after sunset and they were finally ready, well…except for Zuzu. Shifting the golden belt under her bust so it did not dig into her ribs as much, Azula marched over to Zuzu's temporary room.

She scowled at what she saw. He was just standing at the balcony with one hand resting on his stomach. He was still wearing his beach clothes, which just annoyed her more. He should have been ready by now, what in Koh's Lair had he been doing this whole time. But his drawn expression and haunted eyes told her he must have been thinking.

He began to frown and clenched the hand resting on his stomach into a fist. He gritted his teeth and glared out at the sea. Azula frowned. Didn't Zuzu know she was in here, didn't he know she was annoyed. But no, he seemed too lost in his thoughts. Usually he was more guarded than this, more aware, yet here he was expressing everything so clearly.

Azula continued to observe him for a moment; for she knew she likely would not have another opportunity. He looked conflicted and confused. Then he began to look down at his body and she was sure she saw disgust flicker in his eyes for a moment. However, if there was one emotion she could read above all the others that he expressed, it would be hopelessness. It permeated the air and was heavy in his gaze. She enjoyed seeing that expression on her enemies' faces, yet on Zuzu it was not nearly as satisfying. Perhaps because she was not the cause of his hopelessness?

He turned and the moment his eyes alighted upon her, he blinked and smiled. She knew it was a fake smile now, it was an attempt to hide whatever he had been feeling before.

"You're ready already? That was fast," he laughed a little and began to move around the room.

"It's been an hour, I would not call that very fast," she pursed her lips and watched him grab another set of shorts and a vest with a wide cloth tie. "Unless you're implying you thought we would take longer?" Zuzu stiffened but relaxed quickly and just smiled.

"Sorry Lala, I got lost in thought," now it was Azula's turn to stiffen.

He hadn't called her that in a long time. It made her feel like she was a very little kid; the same little kid that was excluded from the family secrets and protected from all punishments by her brother. She wasn't that little kid anymore; she could take responsibility for her own actions now!

"We're going to leave without you unless you hurry up," she turned on her heel and left. She hated when he called her that.

After a minute or two of waiting, Azula ordered them to leave without Zuko. Zuzu would catch up with them eventually if he knew what was best for him. They were part way to the house-party when Zuzu came jogging up to them. He smiled at them and took place beside Mai.

Ty Lee talked about how excited she was for the party and how the last one she had been to was at the circus. Azlua hated when Ty Lee talked about the circus, it was clear she missed it. They were at the foot of the steps leading up the large house built into a cliff with countless stilts supporting it. She heard a sharp in hale and turned to find Zuzu had stopped walking and had stiffened up.

"This is Admiral Chan's house," he whispered with his eyes wide.

"Why do you know that and why are you so surprised?" Zuzu turned to look at her and blinked a few more times before understanding dawned in his expression.

"You would have been with a nurse and asleep," Azula quirked an eye brow and took another step forward but Zuzu stayed where he was.

"What are talking about?" Azula sighed in exasperation and stopped again.

"Father was invited to a dinner party at the newly appointed Admiral's house. It was the first formal event he brought me to. He was currying monetary support for the war since Fire Lord Azulon had matters in the capital to attend to," Zuzu almost sounded like he was reading off a script, his voice was so dead.

"I take it something happened?" Azula had her arms folded under her bust as she fixed her brother with a glare. He was delaying them further.

He looked down at the beach and his unruly hair fell into his eyes so she could not get a read on his expression. Ty Lee shifted uncomfortably beside Azula but before Azula could question what got into the peppy girl, Zuzu spoke.

"I feel asleep before the party was over, Father had to carry me to a guest room," that was what had her brother acting so strange? "He wasn't very happy with me, he thought that being six I should be able to handle it," Zuzu shifted uncomfortably.

She scoffed and turned around to continue on toward the large house on stilts; however, she did catch Ty Lee walking closer to Zuzu and brushing her arm against his. They shared a look for a moment, and Azula was alarmed at how serious both of their expressions were. She noted Mai looked confused; however, she only knew that because of knowing the weapons mistress for so many years.

Chan answered the door, "You're one of the first ones here," he opened the door wider to reveal four or five other teenagers milling about. As he invited them in further he began to speak again, "Listen, my dad's an admiral and he doesn't know I'm having this party, so don't mess anything up," he was looking solely at Azula, and she had to swallow the anger bubbling in her chest. Why did he have to presume that! Zuzu was just as likely to cause a problem.

No, she just had to be polite and smile. Maybe she should complement him? He did look very nice in his outfit and the bronze band on his arm was a stylish touch. She smiled, "That's a nice outfit, Chan…" She was trying to think what else to say, he looked a little confused by her sudden complement. As she paused to think of what next to say she heard her precious Zuzu hiss Ty Lee's name.

Just when Azula had the perfect elaboration, Ty Lee bumped into her, "Heheh, you look sharp too! I love the way you did your hair, it's so different from normal!" Ty Lee then began to tug on her arm. What was the meaning of this! She was going to tell him he had to be careful of wreaking anything that would lead to the death of thousands because of how sharply Chan was dressed.

"Um…thanks," Chan was smiling a little and he eyed _Azula_ up and down a little. She felt her throat constrict and her stomach tighten a little. Oh Spirits, what was this feeling? Nervousness? No! It couldn't be that, she hadn't been nervous since learning her first firebending kata.

Ty Lee had an excited smile on her face and she could see Zuzu smiling a secret little smile. Had-had he known she was going to say something and potentially scare Chan off…how did he know her so well? She wasn't sure how she felt about him knowing she would botch a social interaction like that.

They passed by Roun-Jian who was fixing his hair in the mirror. He then turned around quickly and made a casual pose. She almost wanted to snort at the thin teen's efforts, but she decided to focus on Ty Lee's excited whisperings of "He was so checking you out! Azula, I think he might like you!"

However, the way Roun-Jian was looking at Zuzu made her uncomfortable. The boy was also looking at Mai but the predatory look in his eyes when he looked at Zuzu made her angry. That was the Fire Nation prince, not some-some – she couldn't even think of a term, the creep was being completely indecent!

"One of the first ones here," Roun-Jian called with a casual smile. Azula scowled when she saw his gaze fix on her brother's backside. How disgusting.

She heard her brother make a noise of disgust, so she fell back a few steps, "You know he could be executed for the licentious looks he's giving you."

"Believe me Lala, I have not stopped thinking about that," Zuzu's eyes narrowed slightly as he bit out those words, "and perhaps if we had let them know who we are, I wouldn't be in this scenario?" he quirked an eyebrow and she shrugged.

"Well perhaps we should figure out why in the name of Koh's Lair he is even looking at you that way," Azula was surprised to hear Zuzu give a bitter laugh.

"He just wants power, to dominate," Azula blinked at the response, she did not think he would have given an answer, "So he sees a male that is slender with some softness to his body. He assumes he found a pouf who would bend over for anyone," the scowl that distorted her brother's features was perfectly well formed and screamed his disgust clearly. "I saw enough of his kind in Ba Sing Se."

That was…not expected. She also did not know how she felt about Zuzu being sought after by men. It was wrong, he was her brother, and men should not pursue other men!

"If he tries to make a move, I will break his fucking arm," she could not help but gasp at _Zuzu's_ blunt statement. She heard Mai give a surprised noise but Ty Lee did not seem as surprised by his remark.

"He'll be getting off easy," Ty Lee stated in her usual chipper tone. "I'm sure Fire Lord Ozai would quickly mount his head on a spike for the looks alone," she had her arms behind her head as she spoke casually about what their father would do to this stupid boy.

Zuzu gave a sudden loud laugh, it sounded a little…unhinged. He ended up biting his lip to keep the laughter at bay. Her brother had looked a little insane there, and though she wanted to keep eying him, more guests arrived and they ended up splitting ways. Ty Lee was accosted by her little harem and it seemed they were ready to confront her about who she liked best.

Zuko sat down beside Mai and just observed the party from that seat. Azula watched Roun-Jian from her place by a pillar, the creep better not try anything on her brother. It was just wrong! She also waited by the pillar to see if anyone would talk to her, everyone seemed to avoid her. Did she have a sign that said, "Insane Firebending Monster, approach at your own volition"?

The argument circling around Ty Lee was reaching a fever pitch, and knowing the acrobatic, she would knock the boys out rather than make a decision. As she knew it would happen, she flipped over their bodies and walked over to Azula.

"Am I ever glad you're here! Those boys won't leave me alone," Ty Lee lamented with a smile on her face. How could she say that to _her_ when it was clear everyone kept away from Azula like she had some disease?

She turned away from the oblivious girl with her lips drawn tightly together. "I guess they all just like me too much," Ty Lee added on, which only drove home further just how socially inept Azula was. She gritted her teeth and willed her constricting throat to loosen. It wasn't fair, she was the Princess! But when no one knew that, no one approached her. So all the courtiers were just ass kissing, kowtowing liars!

"Oh come on Ty Lee, you can't be this ignorant," she managed not to snap at her friend, who may not even be friend at all! No! She had to push those emotions away.

Ty Lee's brow furrowed slightly, "What are you talking about?" how could this girl be so oblivious, or was she just acting? Did she act all the time, did she pretend to be Azula's friend?

"Those boys only like you because you make it so easy for them. You're not a challenge – you're a tease," she looked away from the girl. She didn't want to believe Ty Lee was so agreeable because Azula was the princess.

"It's not like they actually care who you are," perhaps she was being too bitter. But with all these confusing thoughts whirling around in her head, she could hardly monitor what she was saying. But then Ty Lee began to cry and Azula's stomach twisted in a strange manner. What was wrong with her!?

She pushed herself off the pillar and grabbed Ty Lee's hands from her face. Even if Ty Lee was just acting, she was her friend, and…well she wanted to believe she was a true friend, "Okay, okay, calm down," Ty Lee was still crying and the twisting in Azula's stomach worsened. "I didn't mean what I said. Look, maybe I just said it because I was a little…" she swallowed and grimaced as she strengthened her resolve, "jealous," she stated lowly and looked down at the wooden floor.

She wanted to know why everyone avoided her, and why it was only when she was a known princess that people interacted with her.

"What?!" Ty Lee looked utterly shocked, "You were jealous of me?!" could the acrobat really not see that _everyone_ avoided Azula?

"Um, but you're the most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world!" Was Ty Lee being sincere? Azula hoped so. And perhaps what the girl said was true, because not once did Ty Lee mention her social skills.

She looked away as she responded, "And you're right about all of those things, but for some reason…when I meet boys they act as if I'm going to do something horrible to them," she sighed and narrowed her gaze as she looked around at the various people. Perhaps that was why Zuzu had hissed at Ty Lee, they knew she was going to ruin any chance with Chan. She bit her lip and tensed her arms to keep from wanting to wrap them around herself in self-consciousness.

Ty Lee had the nerve to laugh, which actually alleviated some of Azula's concern about the girl's intentions; however, it solidified the impression that everyone thought Azula was a monster.

"But you probably would do something horrible to them," Ty Lee did not mean offense even though the words were offensive. Ty Lee was a true friend then. Azula gritted her teeth. She couldn't help how she came off to people, she knew they weren't like her Dai Li but striking fear in others ensured obedience. However, it didn't get boys to like her it seemed.

Ty Lee sobered slightly, but she was still smiling broadly, "I'm sure they're just intimidated by you," Azula turned to look at the girl, her brows were furrowed which made Ty Lee take another approach, "Okay, look, if you want a boy to like you, just look at him and smile a lot; and laugh at everything he says. Even it's not very funny."

Was it really so easy? Then again, that slut, even with mask on all the time, had her father ready to jump her every other second. The slut just stared at him with her head tilted in different subservient ways, and her body language was so demure in his presence. She also shook her shoulders in silent laughter whenever Father said something with even the most remote or morbid joke in it. Perhaps that was enough to make anyone crazy in love? Though Father didn't _love_ that slut, he just lusted after her.

"Well, that sounds really shallow and stupid," was Father being shallow in his choosing a new Lady Fire? It must be effective if that is the case. She smiled, "Let's try it!" Regardless, she felt a little excited.

Ty Lee laughed a little and nodded her head. Then she braced her arm against the pillar and deepened her voice a little, "Hey there sugar cakes! How ya liking this party?" Azula could not help the giddy and loud laughter. She was exaggerating a little bit, but Ty Lee's impersonation of a boy was rather amusing.

Ty Lee snickered a little when they garnered attention, "A little softer, Azula, and give a more coy smile."

Azula made the corrections and Ty Lee gave an excited squeal. "I think you're ready! Go get him Dragon," She winked and pushed Azula in the direction Chan was. Chan had been talking to all his guests, just like the perfect host should, that was a good quality in a suitor.

Azula grabbed a cup from a nearby tray and calmly made her way toward the support beam Chan was leaning against. He was talking to some girl, and as she drew nearer Azula's stomach began to twist again. She took a deep breath and forced away the unwelcomed nervousness. However, just as she was about to interrupt Chan, she noticed her brother getting up and giving Mai a nod with a slight smile.

"Uh…Hey, can I help you?" Azula turned around, and for a moment her brow remained furrowed. She had a feeling that creep was going to accost her brother now that he was away from his girlfriend. Why was he leaving Mai alone like that anyway?

She quickly smiled when she saw both the girl and Chan looking at her, "I was wondering if you might give me a tour of this lovely house?" she smiled and tilted her head slightly to the side, she saw the slut do this to her father a few times, though the mask made it impossible to know what expression she was making.

Chan raised an eyebrow and his eyes looked her up and down before he gave a cocky grin, "Sure, why not?" he handed his drink to his conversation partner and Azula set her atop the peasants head. She knew it irked the girl, perfect!

Chan led her out onto a balcony overlooking the sea and lit with torches. The sea breeze was refreshing and she took a deep inhale. It calmed her down a little more.

"Is this your first time to the Ember Islands?" Azula tensed and frowned a little. They reached the railing at this point and Chan leaned his back against it while Azula leaned her arms on the wooden structure.

"No…" she made herself smile, "I used to come here years ago,"

"It's a great place if you like sand," that was a pathetic joke but she remembered Ty Lee's advice and she gave a little laugh while smiling flirtatiously.

This seemed to boost the boy's confidence and he pushed himself off the railing as he laughed a little too, "Yeah, it's like "Welcome to Sandy Land"," he was now moving closer to her and Azula felt her chest tighten. Damn it! She was not nervous, she was not feeling nervous!

She laughed with him, and he seemed to relax much more. His cocky smirk made her chest tighten further and her stomach twisted a little more. He was now leaning against the railing right next to her. Their arms were touching and so she looked down at them. She had seen arms more muscular than his, but Chan's arm looked nice regardless. They weren't too buff but she could tell they were taut with sinewy muscles. She liked that kind of physique.

"Your arms look so strong," she made sure her smile was coy, that seemed enough for the boy to make his move and kiss her.

She smiled again when they broke apart; however, her gaze shifted back into the main room. Whatever she was going to say was forgotten when she saw that creep moving toward her brother who had a full plate of food, probably for him and Mai.

Chan was saying something, she thought it was, "You're pretty," she blinked and smiled while ducking her head.

"Thank you…I," she looked back into the party and her eyes narrowed slightly, "I need to check on my brother."

Chan quirked an eyebrow and frowned slightly, "Why's that?" he placed a hand on her arm to halt her from leaving, "I'm sure you little brother will be just fine," he ducked his head in to kiss her again but she pulled back slightly.

"Firstly, he's my older brother, and I am not comfortable with the way your friend has been eyeing him!"

Chan laughed a little, "Roun-Jian, he's always been a character. Listen, you're bro will be just fine," Azula gritted her teeth a little but made herself smile slightly. She let him kiss her again, but then there was a loud crash. She jerked away from him and hurried into the party room.

Chan was right behind her and he looked angry. Roun-Jian was lying in pottery shards from some ornate and now broken vase.

Mai was beside Zuzu with her hands clenched at her sides, "What is the matter with you! You don't make any sense! You shy away from me every time I try to kiss you, and you could have killed that guy just because he tried to grope you! Do you just not like anyone? Am I not your type?"

Zuzu's face was bright red and his shoulders were practically up to his ears, "Mai…I-I didn't mean to lead you on." Chan seemed to come out of his stupor and raced toward the broken vase.

"Who broke my Nana's vase?!" Azula watched with wide eyes at everything that was going on. Roun-Jian pointed to her brother and Chan raced over to him, "That is it! You're out of here!" he pointed toward the doorway.

"That's fine, I was just leaving," Zuzu had his head bowed and he began to head out until Roun-Jian stupidly spoke up.

"Yeah, teases aren't welcome," Zuzu tensed but kept on walking. Azula wished he had broken the creep's arm instead of thrown him into vase.

She saw him slam the door shut and she grimaced. She then began to scowl when the thin creep began to hit on Mai. What in Koh's Lair was wrong with that creep?

Chan was shaking his head as he walked back towards her, "I guess I should have let you check on your brother huh?" he laughed a little but Azula was not at all amused.

"You'll be lucky if my father doesn't kill him for what he did," she glared at the creep and began to smile when Mai pulled a knife out on him. Chan gave an uneasy laugh, unaware that his friend had a knife to his throat.

"Wh-what?" Chan looked a little alarmed from what she had said.

Azula gave a sickly sweet smile. "I suppose you are so far away from the Capital that you just don't have the most current news." she moved into Chan's personal space, "You see, that was the Crown Prince your friend groped," she relished at the way he paled and took a step back, "Oh, Chan don't worry. You won't be in any trouble, but I wouldn't associate with his sort anymore," she jerked her head toward the creep who was staggering backwards away from Mai. Azula then planted a kiss on Chan's cheek and patted his face before heading toward the door.

"Ty Lee, Mai!" she called and was pleased at their immediate responses, "We're leaving," with her friends flanking her, she left a stunned Chan behind her.

As the three of them walked along the beach, Azula directed them toward the old royal beach house. She had a feeling Zuzu would be there, he was sentimental like that. Once at the base of the stairs she helped Ty Lee and Mai gather driftwood and she set it on fire for them.

"I'm going to go retrieve Zuzu," she stated and started toward the stairs. Ty Lee looked like she was going to say something but refrained.

Azula had a few things to mull over as she made her ascent. She had assumed Mai and Zuzu were in a romantic relationship where there was kissing involved. It was disconcerting to know her minions weren't acting as they should. Her brother was such a mystery to her, and she could relate to Mai's confusion and anger at it.

There was something wrong with her brother, something that made him unhinged and haunted him. It made him uncomfortable with kissing Mai, and it made him violent when men accosted him. What the hell could be his problem?

When she reached the main entrance of the family beach house, she was not surprised to find Zuzu looking down at a picture of their family. If she was not mistaken, it was the portrait from around the time Mother vanished and it was supposed to be hanging in the main entrance hall.

He was glaring down at the portrait; his arms were trembling in their tense state. He looked slightly crazed and almost betrayed.

"I thought I'd find you here," she stated which startled her brother and resulted in the portrait bursting into flame. By the fact that his break in focus caused the burning, she deduced that there was perhaps a Zuzu made whole smoldering in it before she came here. She wondered why he would do that. Was he burning someone's face out of the portrait? That was so unlike her brother.

He looked at her and then looked down at the ashes, "Those summers we spent here seem so long ago," he straightened and glared out in front of him, "Nothing seems to have changed," he was scowling, and Azula wondered how anything could be the same from when they were children. Their mother was missing, Zuzu was on thin ice with their father, and there was that slut trying to marry their father.

Suddenly Zuzu sat up and turned around to face her, his eyes were wide and he looked truly insane. "Let's burn it to the ground, burn this fucking place with all its fucking memories to the ground!" he was on his feet and his chest was heaving.

Azula's mouth fell open and she stared at whoever this person was that should be her brother. Zuzu always seemed to hold sentimental value to their family, why would he suggest such a thing now if at all? Was it because Father was remarrying? Zuzu had fire already in his hands.

"Come down to the beach Zuko, this place is clearly not good for you," Zuzu blinked and the insane shine to his eyes died away. He dropped his head and nodded. Azula watched him as they made their way down to the beach.

Who was this person? Who was her brother really? What caused whatever it was back there? What or who had broken her brother like this? Zuzu was hers to play with psychologically; no one else had that right.

They sat around the fire silently, "It's a shame you already burned the family portrait," Azula sighed as she stared at the flames, she would have liked to see mother's face slowly burn away.

"You're going to regret doing that," Ty Lee whispered to Zuzu, but Zuzu seemed unable to look her in the face. "You're going to regret it."

"You don't know me!" he suddenly shouted "So why don't you just mind your own business for once. I'm not like you!"

Ty Lee glared at the fire and Azula could have sworn she said, "Yes you are…" but that could have been a mistake.

"No I'm not!" Zuzu roared, it was startling to see Zuzu this way. "What is it? Hmm? Does my aura tell you we're alike, is that what you mean?" Ty Lee hugged her knees to her chest and ducked her head.

"What would you know about my situation, about anything? You're stuck in your little Ty Lee world, where everything is perfect and great all the time!" Ty Lee ducked her head further.

"Zuko, leave her alone," Mai ordered, but Zuzu ignored her.

"Oh look at me, everything is wonderful and I can walk on my hands!" Azula was marginally impressed by Zuzu's falsetto as he imitated Ty Lee. "Circus freak," he whispered and Azula could not help but laugh.

However, it seemed the insults finally struck home. Ty Lee was crying slightly but it was in indignation and anger, not sadness. "Yes I'm a circus freak," she then turned towards Azula, "Go ahead and laugh all you want!

"You wanna know why I joined the circus?" Azula rolled her eyes, she was not looking forward to this, either because the acrobat would reiterate how she wanted to stand out amongst her six siblings, or because she wanted to escape Azula's friendship. She hoped it was not the latter.

"Here we go," Azula settled back onto her seat and was impressed by Ty Lee's ability to ignore her.

"Do you have any idea what my home life was like? Growing up with six sisters who all look exactly like me? It was like I didn't even have my own name!" she practically shouted as she stood up, "And Uncle never cared, he took advantage of the fact we all looked alike!" Azula's brow furrowed at this new addition to her story and Zuzu looked startled. "We were all the same person to him, even though it was Ty-Lian he first-first started touching," she began to break down and she collapsed to the ground. Her body shook in her sobbing.

"I joined the circus to get away from _him _and the compliance my sisters were living under. How could they just let him touch them?! I couldn't stand it, I had to get out - I had to make my own identity. So he'd never mistake me for my sisters, so he'd never touch me again," Ty Lee was gasping for air as she continued to sob.

"Then why do you go around with ten boyfriends at a time?" Mai asked with her gaze narrowed.

Ty Lee looked up startled, though she was still shaking from her crying, "Wh-what?"

"Attention issues?" Mai asked with delightful accusation in her tone. Azula could have hugged the stoic teen. Finally, someone pointed out what they all knew about Ty Lee.

"How long have you been waiting to tell us that sob story? You couldn't get enough positive attention as a kid so you're trying to make up for it now."

It seemed shock made Ty Lee's tears subside and she looked at Mai with her mouth wide open. "Oh, you think I've made this all up?! Well what's your excuse Mai, hmm? You were an only child for fifteen years, but even with all that attention your aura is just…a dingy grey. It's not tainted like mine, so I know you never lost your innocence, why don't you explain to me that, hmm?"

Azula tried not to make connections yet. It was still too fascinating, hearing all of this, hearing this different side of her friends.

"I don't believe in auras," Mai stated coolly.

"You don't believe in much of anything, do you Mai? If Ty Lee says she was molested, don't you dare belittle her," Azula looked over at her brother who now decided to join their group again. What had turned him around so quickly? No… she couldn't make connections that weren't there.

"And what would you know, Zuko? Is that why you make no sense, why you're emotions are all over the place?" Mai snapped and glared at him, "Is that why you duck and run whenever I try to kiss you? Were you molested?"

Zuzu's face was remarkably blank, but Azula wasn't sure whether that condemned him or was just because he couldn't think of a response.

"How can someone who cares about nothing be offended by the fact that I may not be ready for a romantic relationship?" Zuzu's voice was even and low, but his face remained neutral.

"What do you want from me?" Mai asked in exasperation, "Do you all want some teary confession like Ty Lee? I wasn't molested and my childhood wasn't hard. I was a rich only child who got anything I ever wanted as long as I behaved...and sat still…and didn't speak unless spoken to." Azula swallowed and cast her gaze toward Zuzu who was nodding his head.

Those spells Zuzu went through, where he wouldn't eat and he acted like he wasn't really there. He never had spoken to anyone unless they had spoken to him first. It was pitiful to see him that way and it was usually when Father had been mad at Zuzu for something. Azula couldn't imagine having to go through that every day of every week like Mai had. Mai was probably beaten as bad as Zuzu when she misbehaved.

Azula felt sick for a moment, Zuzu's punishments seemed deserving at the time but if she translated that onto Mai…she felt so sick. No, those kinds of beatings, that kind of control over a child was just wrong.

"My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had Dad's political career to think about."

Azula could almost see the similarities. Father was angered most when Zuzu covered up for something Azula broke that would have curried more favor with Fire Lord Azulon. However, she couldn't think about that because then she would admit her father as being a selfish villain like Mai's father.

"So that's it then," Azula stated in an attempt to keep any thoughts of father being in the wrong out of her mind. "You had a controlling mother who had certain expectations of you, and if you strayed from them you were shut down. That's why you don't care about anything, yet why you're so annoyed at Zuzu denying you. It also explains why you can't express you self."

"You want me to express myself?" Mai shot back, sitting back up and glaring at Azula. "Leave me alone!" she shouted.

Azula could not help but begin to laugh a little. Zuzu turned toward her sharply, "I guess you wouldn't understand, Azula. Father never beat you, and he never put an expectation on you he didn't think you could pull off. Because you're perfect, aren't you Azula. Just perfect and nothing bad ever happened to you,"

She glared at him, perhaps because _you_ made sure nothing bad happened, she hissed in her mind. Instead she looked away from Zuko and the others, "What can I say? I don't have a sob story like the rest of you. I supposed I could sit her and complain about how Mother liked Zuko more than me, and how no one ever bother to discipline me, but I don't really care," Azula shrugged as nonchalantly as she could.

"My own mother thought I was a monster, too far gone to help. And now Father's marrying some new woman and…" Azula furrowed her brow. The slut wasn't afraid of her, and while they were traveling together the woman never treated her like monster. "It's only a matter of time until she thinks I'm a monster too."

Zuzu was suddenly kneeling beside her, "No one thinks you're a monster," he was reaching a hand to cup her face but she slapped it away.

"Don't lie to me Zuko, I know it's true, but it still hurts." His eyes were wide and they told her he didn't think of her as a monster, but how could that be!

"Lala," he began and she jerked away from him and stood up.

"Don't call me that! I'm not some little kid anymore; I won't be sheltered by you any longer. I know you and Mother kept secrets from me, well what is it, hmm?" Azula glared down at her brother.

"Lala," he was shaking his head and a sad smile spread across his face, "You don't want to know."

"But Zuzu, I _do_. I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm sure I can handle whatever it is," Azula was glaring at her brother, but when the first bouts of hysteric laughter ripped from his throat her expression faltered. Mai took a step back with her eyes narrowed.

Zuzu was shaking in his laughter but he was also shaking his head back and forth in negation. What was this secret, why did it cause Zuzu to break down like this? He was acting insane and he was so certain she couldn't handle the truth; was the truth so terrible?

Azula watched Ty Lee walk past her - the usually peppy girl was glaring at her. Azula could not help but swallow. Ty Lee wasn't supposed to make that expression; in fact, she wasn't supposed to make many of the expression she had around the fire. Azula felt sick at what she learned about her friend yet…oh Agni, was this compassion! Was the twisting in her chest and the desire to comfort her friend compassion? She shakily sat back down on one of the drift logs and watched with wide eyes as Ty Lee helped her hysterical brother stand and walk several paces away.

They sat down in the pale moonlight. Ty Lee wrapped an arm around Zuzu's shoulder and he began to sob. Azula could hear it from here. His desperate, insane laughter had turned into tortured wails. A small, treacherous voice at the back of her mind kept saying awful, awful things.

Ty Lee had been molested by her uncle, and her sisters had also been molested. What if…but that was an impossible thought. It was bad enough Zuzu was beaten like Mai for misbehaving. It was _Zuzu_ for Spirit's sake! And her father –

Azula's throat constricted at the little, dark thoughts forming at the back of her mind. They repeated over and over how Ty Lee said her aura was tainted, and she could see auras. She never talked about Zuzu's aura, not once…perhaps because of the similarities.

No! Those were treasonous and impossible thoughts.

Her father was the Fire Lord, he was on the same level as the Spirits; _he_ could do no wrong! He couldn't have done anything like Ty Lee's uncle. He wouldn't, couldn't do that to a child, to his own flesh and blood. He couldn't, no matter how much a failure, no matter how useless, Zuzu was. Her father couldn't have molested her brother. He beat him, yes, but-but - she couldn't finish the thought.

The sobs had finally ended and Ty Lee was whispering to Zuzu, or at least she assumed that was why her head was bowed toward his ear.

Azula took in a shaky breath, the thoughts would not leave. It might explain what never made sense to her about their family, about Zuzu, but the whole possibility in itself was unfathomable. No, it had to be something else, some other trauma – anything but incestuous, immoral actions that her father could be the only culpable party to. Because her father was the Fire Lord, the Fire Lord did nothing wrong, he didn't do things like that.

Because if he did, what stopped him from doing that to her? But she already knew the answer, and she found her eyes drifting to look solely at Zuzu. He always protected her from punishment when they were little, what if… She swallowed. No, no, because Father never did anything to her when Zuzu was banished. Yes, Father was despondent for a while but then he submerged himself in work…and became angry all the time. But he never touched Azula, never!

It was something else, anything else. It had to be. It had to be. She felt herself trembling at the possibilities, the _implications_. No, it was something else, it had to be.

* * *

Yan Zhi stood before the door and pretended to be deaf. He wished Prince Ozai had made him deaf instead of mute and crippled, but that would defeat his purposes as a guard, wouldn't it? Yan Zhi did his best to finger the whistle hanging from his neck; it was his only way to signify help if a threat came along. He also had a bell-cord next to his post, but that was to call the servants.

He dropped the mutilated hand to his side and kept a firm grasp on his staff. He wasn't completely crippled - see, he could hold his staff. But he couldn't hold a brush in his hands, not ever again, not after the Prince had his fingers broken and healed wrong.

Yan Zhi clenched his eyes closed tightly, as if that would block out the sounds. It didn't, it never did. The little Prince Zuko had been dragged in there by his father thirty minutes ago. Lady Ursa and Prince Ozai probably had an argument again over the little Prince. The kid was only eight… Yan Zhi wished he could swallow, but with his tongue cut out…

Everyone that worked around this room was like him, so none of them could tell the rest of the palace what went on behind those closed doors. Those doors were massive and made of stone, but they still did not block out all of the sound even if they blocked off air.

Yan Zhi hated when Prince Ozai used that punishment on the little Prince; what did the kid learn from being sealed in an airtight room with no new air flowing in? How to suffocate, how to hold his breath? The kid was going to die one of these days, and then where would the sick bastard be? Would Prince Ozai use his precious little girl to state his demented needs?

The little Prince was screaming, pleading. Yan Zhi winced, that only made Prince Ozai more violent, didn't the kid realize that yet? The rustling of cloth was more prominent now, along with the kid's wails. He could hear Prince Ozai grunting and groaning, even hissing at times in his pleasure.

It was horrifying but Yan Zhi stood strong. Prince Ozai would make his family disappear if he abandoned post.

No one should do that to a little kid, no one, and especially not to their own child.

The little prince stopped screaming after a while, but Prince Ozai kept making his noises. Yan Zhi wanted to be sick. Was the kid unconscious? Or did the kid just give up on screaming for help? Bile began to rise and he worked his throat muscles to keep it down. He heard a whimper, one of the little Prince's. The boy had given up then. Yan Zhi gritted his teeth together in anger; anger at himself, the Prince and the little boy – because Prince Zuko was giving up and he shouldn't.

Yan Zhi could never look at the boy when he hobbled out of the room; he feared he would see accusation in the little Prince's eyes. He feared the little Prince would ask why he never helped, but the boy never did.

Yan Zhi did his best to clench his fist. It hurt but maybe he deserved the pain. Being mute and crippled like he was, wasn't enough for allowing such a travesty to go on. For the past five years he had heard the child's innocence be gradually taken away. He wasn't naïve like Lady Ursa, though, at first he was, but at least he didn't take four years to figure it out. When he began to question why his tongue had been cut, and his hands so horribly mutilated before he took up the new post, he came to the horrifying truth – and it only took a few months.

Firebendering exercises my ass, Yan Zhi hissed in his mind as he thought back to the first day he had been on post. Like Lady Ursa, he initially believed an innocent lesson was being given, and so he let the woman go past him. Of course, Ozai had finished whatever exploration he had done with his son; so the bastard wasn't caught then. Yan Zhi scowled.

Sometimes he wondered if it was good that Lady Ursa had found out the way she did, or found out at all. It couldn't have been pleasant walking into the bedroom belonging to you and your husband, only to find said husband fucking your child on said child's seventh birthday… The sick bastard was asking for it when he dismissed all servants and guards from the area. Of course the idiots assumed the Prince was planning on private time with Lady Ursa _not _Prince Zuko.

Yan Zhi glared at nothing in particular but envisioned Prince Ozai was in his line of sight and his robes had caught fire. Yan Zhi had a feeling that had been the first time the bastard raped his son. He didn't want to think of the symbolism, or whatever signification Ozai saw in his actions. Really, the bed he shared with his wife?!

Ozai finished at last. Yan Zhi heard his drawn out groan. A few minutes later Ozai emerged from the room, he was still fixing the tie around his robes. He didn't even bother with glaring at or threatening Yan Zhi anymore, why bother? Yan Zhi knew his place, knew he risked his family if he even let on what went on behind closed doors.

Twenty minutes passed until the little Prince limped out of the room. His shoulders were up to his ears, and his arms were wrapped around his body. He was shaking, the poor kid. Yan Zhi quickly turned toward the bell cord and gave a clumsy tug. It was all routine, a sick and twisted little routine.

* * *

A suivre

* * *

**A/N: **So the time line jumped a little but it should make sense. The next chapter will mostly be highlights from Zuko's childhood with lots and lots of implications. ~ depressedchildren


	3. Chapter 2

_****__**Disclaimer:**_****Forgot this this last time, but I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender. It belongs to its respective owners, I am gain nothing but writing experience.

_****__**Summary: **_The walls have ears, the walls remember, and no matter how hard we wish, some things can never be forgotten. The sin, the torture, the wrongness of it all - was enough to want to burn the fucking palace to the ground. Rewrite told from Zuko and Azula's perspectives.

**Chapter Warnings: **Strongly/blatantly implied child molestation/rape, explicit child abuse, and coarse language.

**A/N:** this chapter was painful to write, but I'm happy with it now. I added about fifty shades of gray to this, and not the pop-culture kind, I mean the original expression. Anyways, I can't ask you to enjoy the chapter but I hope it gives you food for thought. Thank you to those who reviewed, put this on alert or favorite ~ with love, depressedchildren

p.s. the chapter is all flashbacks, so it starts when Zuko is three and goes until his exile in a linear fashion.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

* * *

_**His thoughts were slowing down now. They plodded to the surface and memories came with…**_

Zuko twisted in his sleep. He felt someone combing fingers through his hair, was Mother in his room? He scrunched up his nose and batted at the hand. He didn't hit anything and the fingers were still running through his hair. He frowned and opened his eyes blearily.

He was so awfully tired! He had done an awful lot that day, so he just wanted to keep sleeping. First he had lessons all morning with tutors over Fire Nation history and literature, and then he played at the turtle-duck pond with Mother. After dinner Father told Zuko to meet him in this one room near the back of the palace.

The three-year-old smiled sleepily at the memory. He didn't know why his father told him to undress, but when Mother came in later she said Father loved him. Maybe that was how Father showed he loved Zuko? Regardless, all Zuko could think was that Father finally loved him - that must be why had been kissing Zuko, even if it was in all those weird, uncomfortable places.

Still, when he was dressed back up again, Father started to show him a firebending stance - at least until mother came in a few seconds later. Mother had been so happy! She said father loved him! Zuko could not help but giggle a little, though he wished his father had continued teaching him firebending stances.

Zuko rubbed at his eyes to clear away more of the sleep. Now that his vision was clear enough for him to see who was running fingers in his hair, he scrambled backwards in fear.

Two women seemed to float before him, and they both wore the most dazzling orange and red embroidered robes. Both women had scales around their faces and their pupils were slits like a reptile's eyes. He noticed scales covered their hands which were reaching out toward him. They both had plaited hair and their gazes were forlorn yet resigned. But what alarmed Zuko the most about their appearance was their translucent forms. He could see through them.

Spirits! These must be Spirits. Zuko staggered backwards but the Spirit women followed him. They did not speak but tears began to slide down their faces. They also began to change; their bodies lengthened and began to coil around his bed. Whiskers sprouted from their faces along with thin white breads. Wings sprouted from their sleek, serpentine bodies and their monstrous faces became the size of his bed when put side by side. Their teeth were long, sharp and bared. But even in their dragon forms, the women looked so sad.

The twin red, white, and orange dragon spirits were coiling around him, wrapping themself about him as if to protect Zuko. He wasn't sure what to do.

"Fear us not Little One," he heard two voices speak as one in his mind. The voices were so sad sounding. The dragons covered him completely, their giant heads rested beside his, "We will bless you, child of our fire, we will bless you," the dragons were still crying onto him and Zuko did not understand.

But he was still so tired, and the excitement had only made him more tired. Shaking, he began to drift off into a deep slumber. But at the back of his mind he remembered a tale his uncle had told him about the sun and the moon.

Sisters once lived in the moon and they embroidered the most beautiful gown, but they were ashamed and tired of when people would look up at them, so the pleaded to switch places with their brother who lived in the sun. He agreed and now, when anyone looked at the sun too long, their eyes began to hurt because the sisters were poking those who looked at them with their embroidery needles. In his sleep he dreamed about his fable and felt the warmth of the sun on his skin like a protective cocoon even with the Sisters hiding away while their brother lit up the sky.

* * *

Ozai lay restless in the bed he shared with Ursa. Damn the woman, he could no longer stand the sight of her. He forced himself countless times to get her with child and he was relieved that he finally had a strong heir; he wouldn't have to force himself onto her disgusting body again.

The first child wasn't as strong as he had hoped, but Zuko would serve other purposes. Ozai had decided that the first time he held the little boy in his arms. He had eyes like Ozai but skin like Ursa. The only thing he liked about the damn woman was her skin, but it had never tasted as delicious as it looked, Zuko's skin did however.

Ozai licked his lips as he recalled the taste of his son's supple flesh. He shuddered slightly in delight. No wonder Grandfather Sozin had done similar to Ozai when he was a boy, the taste and forbidden-ness of it all was intoxicating. And those wide innocent eyes! How they looked at Ozai with such confusion. He shifted in excitement.

He was eager to see the innocence slowly drain from the boy's eyes. But Ozai wouldn't force Zuko into anything before he was ready, unlike Grandfather. Perhaps in a few years he'd have the boy pleasure Ozai with his hands, and then eventually his mouth. Ozai refrained from moaning at the thought.

He knew the little boy thought it was all in the name of love, and perhaps he'd let the boy believe that. Ozai knew it made for a more compliant partner, a more eager partner. The boy was uncomfortable but if he got it into his mind that that was how Ozai showed he loved Zuko, well the boy would soon be begging to pleasure Ozai.

Ozai remembered feeling that way until his mother found out. Her horror told him something was wrong about the arrangement he had had with Grandfather since Grandmother Ilah died. He'd keep Ursa from ruining it like Mother had, and then Ursa wouldn't have to vanish like Mother had. Zuko was ever so attached to the useless whore. It would break his boy's heart for Ursa to vanish.

Ozai would take things slowly with Zuko; he would make sure not scare the boy off. Ozai smiled, he so looked forward to what his eldest child would offer him, what _only _Zuko could offer.

* * *

_**His thoughts were slowing down now. They plodded to the surface and memories came with…**_

Zuko looked at the broken tea-set. It was Grandfather Azulon's favorite tea-set when he came to visit their section of the palace. Azula stood beside the gilded porcelain fragments with her eyes wide and trembling. She knew she was going to be in trouble.

"Lala what happened?" Zuko whispered as he rushed to his sister's side.

"I didn't mean to Zuzu!" She was three and Zuko knew Father would be very mad with her.

He worried his bottom lip between his teeth. He didn't want Father to hurt Azula because he had seen what Father did to those that made him mad. Sometimes he killed the servants, other times he burned them so bad… But Father loved Zuko, so he wouldn't hurt him as bad as he would hurt Azula.

Nodding his head in resolve, Zuko looked up in time for his parents to come rushing in from opposite directions.

Both of them froze when they saw the shattered tea-set at the feet of their children. Zuko licked his lips, Father had gone stone-faced and paler than usual. He could see his father's fist clenched at his side. He was so angry. Mother, on the other hand, had her hands to her mouth in shock.

"Azula what have you done?!" she exclaimed and began marching over to the tense three-year-old.

"A-actually, Mother, I-I broke the tea-set," Zuko bowed his head and bit his lip, he could hear the rustling of fabrics and his father's footsteps. "I wanted to make tea for Lala but I dropped the tray when I picked it off of the –" Zuko did not finish the sentence because he had been struck. He heard his mother gasp while he looked up with wide eyes.

Father's expression was still blank, but he grabbed Zuko's arm roughly and began to march them toward their Room. Zuko could not help but cry. Father had hit him. Father had never hit him before!

Shaking, Zuko crumpled to the floor when he was pushed inside their Room. He watched with wide eyes as his father locked the door behind him. He then stalked over to Zuko and towered over him like the palace walls. Zuko could not help but tremble.

Father struck him again and the sound of flesh striking flesh resounded in the room. Zuko's face smarted awfully bad and his eyes were clenched closed in the pain. "F-father?" he asked in a trembling voice.

"Can't you think?" Father hissed lowly, "You know that tea-set is reserved for when Fire Lord Azulon visits, and it is never to be touched under any other circumstance!" Zuko flinched at the loud yell. He felt so unbelievably small.

He saw his father scan the room before growling in frustration and moving back to the locked door. He unlocked it for a moment and barked at the guard, "Give me your switch."

Zuko gasped and gulped. His whole body began to shake uncontrollably. Father barked the order again and once he received the slender leather switch he locked the door again. He then strode back toward Zuko.

"Remove your robes," Father's voice was so cold and filled with displeasure. Zuko shook his head and backed away with tears streaming down his face. He was so scared.

"I will not repeat myself," his father warned in a low voice, "I do not tolerate disobedience," Zuko's eyes widened but he could not bring himself to act on his father's demands.

With a growl of frustration Father grabbed his arm roughly to keep Zuko from running away, and then pulled at the tie on Zuko's robes. They heavy fabrics pooled at his elbows because both arms were bent upwards. He then spun Zuko around and yanked the robes all the way off.

Before Zuko could even think to scramble away now that his arm was free, the switch came down hard onto his back. He howled at the sharp pain blossoming on his back. The switch came back down again with another loud crack.

He began to sob and plead, but he never confessed that Azula broke the tea-set. He couldn't let this happen to her! Big brothers protect their sisters, even if it has to be from their parents. Besides, what would his father do to him for lying if this was just for breaking the tea-set?

He felt something warm sliding down his back which currently felt as if it was on fire. He hadn't bothered counting the number of lashes, but he doubted he could have concentrated on anything other than the pain. He felt faint when the switch was finally set aside. Zuko crumpled to the ground and curled in on himself while crying. He tore the skin on his back further by doing those actions.

Over his sobbing, he heard Father sigh and then the rustle of fabric. He tensed when he felt his father's hand on his head, but the hand was gentle and merely stroked his hair in an almost soothing fashion.

"Zuko, I had to discipline you so you will never do that again or disobey me. You must accept punishment and not resist it." Father explained, before pausing for a moment or two. Zuko whimpered in his pain but he dared not move from his curled position, despite the stretch it placed on his back.

"You know we must present our most respectful and formal selves before Fire Lord Azulon," Father paused again before asking, "What is the Fire Lord, Zuko?" Zuko looked shakily from under his arms toward his father. Father was waiting for an explanation.

"The Fire Lord is our gl-glorious and righteous leader," Zuko took in a gasping breath to push through the pain he felt. "He kn-knows no evil and does no wr-wrong. He leads our country toward pros-prosperity and dominance over the other le-lesser countries," Zuko took another shuddering breath and gritted his teeth against the pain. It took his breath away, the burning pain that is, and now he was certain blood was oozing down his back from the lashes. "The Fire Lord's l-line was chosen by Ag-Agni to rule," he saw his father smile slightly.

"Exactly, and we can't serve the ruler designated by Agni with a cheap tea-set, it would be disrespectful," Zuko swallowed and nodded.

"I am displeased with your actions and disappointed," Father's words cut through him and Zuko had to turn away from his father in shame. He had disappointed Father.

"I-I'm sorry Father, I-I never meant to," Zuko began to sob and could not finish his sentence.

He felt his father pull his head up by his hair, Zuko hissed at the pain, but he knew his father had meant to be gentle because he pulled on his hair slowly. Once Zuko's head was high enough off the ground, Father grabbed his chin and made Zuko face him. Father's thumb rubbed against his jaw as he looked at Zuko.

"I know, Zuko," Father paused, and Zuko waited with baited breath for what his father was going to say next, "Would you like to please me?"

Zuko adamantly nodded his head, despite the searing pain radiating through his back, which acted as a reminder that he was not exempt from his father's wrath. Father smiled slightly, his eyes flashed for a moment, but Zuko was not sure what emotion it was.

"Good," he grabbed Zuko's hand and pulled it toward his robes, "Do as I instruct you and you will please me greatly," Zuko nodded his head and did everything as he was told to.

* * *

_**His thoughts were slowing down now. They plodded to the surface and memories came with…**_

Zuko rubbed at his jaw, it was so stiff and sore now. He tried to swallow but his throat was dry and it hurt when he did that. It hadn't been the first time Father did that with him, but it was the first time he did something like that outside of the Room and Zuko could tell his father was anxious or maybe excited by that fact. Zuko moved his sore jaw about while his mother held his hand and they walked back to their beach house.

Zuko wished he hadn't disappointed his father at Admiral Chan's party, but he made sure to make up for displeasing him. The only regret Zuko had was that Father had been more insistent than usual and nearly chocked Zuko in the guest room before putting Zuko down to nap. But Zuko was happy that they were heading back to the palace! Though…Father had to stay behind for a little bit, but that didn't matter so much because he promised to play at the beach with him and Lala tomorrow. Zuko giggled at that thought.

"What are you giggling about dear?" Mother asked as she picked Zuko up and set him against her hip.

Father will play with me and Lala tomorrow!" Zuko chirped. Mother smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

"Yes, yes he will," she sounded really happy about that, Zuko giggled again.

"Let's play in the surf, hmm?" Mother suggested as she set Zuko down. Zuko gave a fun shriek as he ran toward the curling foam. Mother caught him and swooped him up into the air. He screamed in surprise and she began to tickle him. The six-year-old howled with laughter while his mother began to pull off his shoes. She let Zuko go and then began to remove her own shoes.

The moon illuminated the beach so that it was in grayscale, but it was still so pretty. Zuko shrieked at the cold surf when it touched his feet. He jumped around and chased after the retreating waves.

"Zuko, don't go so far away," Mother called and Zuko gave her a smile over his shoulder as he chased after the waves and then began to run away from the incoming waves. It was fun!

Mother was laughing beside him; she always had the most fun laugh. Zuko paused in his play to look at his mother as she dipped her slender fingers into the waves and brought sparkling droplets of water up into the air. Zuko giggled again, the droplets of water looked like little diamonds in the air. Zuko turned back to the surf and began to chase after the retreating waves. He was starting to run back when he slipped on the wet sand and fell hard onto a rock. His head spun and before he knew it, water was everywhere.

Vaguely he heard his mother calling his name, fear rang in her voice. Zuko tried righting himself but he couldn't feel the bottom. He was running out of air and he opened his mouth only for water to enter in. It was dark and cold and wet. He was so scared, where was he, where was he?

He flailed his arms around him and then he saw the twin spirits from so many years ago. He began moving toward them, and before he knew it, he could breathe again, and there was a piece of driftwood beside him. He hacked and coughed out the seawater that had managed to enter his lungs.

"Mother!" he cried, even as he took in ragged breaths of air. The twin dragon spirits were circling around him and they began to move the driftwood back toward the shore.

"We will bless you, child of our fire," they whispered in his mind and soon the driftwood came ashore and Mother swooped him up into her arms.

"Oh my baby, oh Zuko, I thought I lost you," she cried and pulled him away enough to look at the nasty gash on his head. "Oh my baby!" she tucked him against her chest and then began to move back, toward the beach palace.

"I'm sorry I scared you mother, I won't do it again," he promised and Mother began to shake her head.

"No Zuko, it is I who should be sorry. I should have been watching you more closely," she cried and hurried them both into the royal beach house.

* * *

Azula looked hesitantly down the hall toward her brother's room. She looked down at the slender branch in her hand. It had some moonpeach blossoms on it still. She hoped Zuzu would like it. It wasn't as nice as the wooden toy he made her for her birthday, but she still hoped he liked it! She wouldn't order servants to get her something for him and she didn't have time after her fire bending lessons to get anything better.

She glanced around again, there were no guards around so she quickly strode down the hallway and slipped into her brother's room. She frowned and looked around the vacant room. Surely he'd be in here? He usually was in his room around this time because he was to study his calligraphy.

Maybe he was somewhere else? Well, she could put her gift in the vase on his writing desk, and maybe she could write a little card? Yeah! She'd do that! Grinning to herself, Azula scampered over to the writing desk and set the moonpeach branch into the empty vase on the writing desk.

She then sat down before the inkwell hummed. What to write?

Azula regarded the brush and frowned. She was still messy when it came to her writing so she would have to roll her sleeves back. She felt so ashamed to have to do that, but she didn't pick up this as easily as Zuzu did. She smiled to herself, she liked that about Zuzu. He was graceful in certain ways and clumsy in others. He was gentle with her and always smiled, sure he got jealous and annoyed when she was better at bending than him, but then she could never beat him at calligraphy or walking correctly.

He was a lot like Mother in those ways, but _he _played with her and paid attention to her. He protected her too… he protected her from punishment. She felt guilty every time he took blame for what she did, but she was too scared to speak up. She saw the bloody bandages from Father's beatings, and she didn't want that to happen to her!

Azula smoothed out the parchment and mixed the charcoal and water in the inkwell. She then took the brush in a slightly awkward hold before she primly dipped the tip of the brush in the inkwell. Carefully wiping the excess off on the well-lip, she began to compose her "missive."

_Well wishes and love, dear Zuzu, on your birthday._

She smiled triumphantly. The characters may be a little crooked but they were all correct! She then set the brush in a bowl of clean water and rolled down her sleeves.

Happy with the secret present, Azula skipped out of the room and made her way down the hall, consequently in the direction of her parents' chambers. She was at a bend in the hall when she heard indistinct shouting. She paused and for some reason her stomach felt like there was a weight inside it. She breathed heavily and felt her throat constricting. That was Mother shouting.

She edged down the hallway, and wondered where all guards were. Had there been an attempt on their family? Sure they weren't in line for succession but they were part of the royal family. Fear propelled her forward. She would protect her mother, and then _she_ would have to spend more time with Azula! Yes, she'd protect her mother no matter what!

"You disgusting—how could you?! Argh, don't you touch me!" Mother's voice was shrill and Azula could not hear everything. Her mother sounded hurt and angry, very angry. She had never heard Mother so angry before…it-it was actually frightening.

"I should go to the Fire Lord right now, and tell him what kind of man his son—" there was a sharp smacking sound, and after years of Firebending she knew it was the sound of skin striking skin.

Azula hurried down the hall as quietly as she could. Who had struck her mother, or had mother struck someone else? Was it Father? Why would he do that?!

"Shut up you useless whore," that was father's voice. It was a low and deadly hiss. Azula froze where she was with her eyes wide open.

Below her parents raised voices was the trembling sound of Zuzu crying. Zuzu was in there too? Why?!

"I-I don't understand? Wha-what's wrong?" Zuzu choked out

There was the sound of skin striking skin and Zuko crying out in pain. "Ursa!" Father reprimanded.

"How dare you ask what's wrong!" Mother's voice came out shrill overtop of Father's. "And you! How long!? You sick, twisted, bastard!"

"Don't you talk to me like that woman," her father growled. It was at this moment that Zuko left the open room. He was crying and holding his robes tightly closed with one hand while the other hand clutched his swelling face. Azula watched him hurry past her with wide eyes. He had caught her eyes for a moment before looking away in shame and hurrying as best he could down the hall.

Azula felt strange, like the world was spinning around her. She slid down the wall and sat on the ground. She didn't care about the shame of the action, she just had to sit unless she wanted to fall. She breathed quickly and heavily as she heard her parents yell at each other. They called each other names, names she didn't understand but she knew were very bad. She was scared and she didn't know what was going on.

Zuzu would know what to do; he would know what was going on. She staggered to her feet and hurried toward her brother's room but it was locked. "Zuzu!" she called in a high desperate voice. "Zuzu?! Why are they fighting? Zuzu!?" she could barely breathe past the tightness in her throat. What was going on with her family.

She just heard Zuzu sob, loudly, from inside of his room. She called his name again and tired tugging at the door. "No!" Zuzu screamed. "I'm bad Lala, it's my fault!" he was sobbing so loudly and gasping.

"Zuzu?" Azula asked weakly as she slid down against the door, "Zuzu?" she was so confused.

"I'm bad, I'm bad" Zuzu kept repeating it like a mantra and Azula didn't understand. She _did _understand that Mother had struck him, which before Azula would never have believed her mother capable of doing.

"Zuzu, I'm scared," she whispered, and she was. She didn't understand what would happen to their family. If Mother and Father hated each other…she breathed deeply. She always knew there family was different but she would have never imagined they were this different from other families. Her parents didn't even seem to like each other. She was so scared, she didn't understand!

"I'm sorry Lala, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Zuko gasped out again and again.

Azula didn't know how long she listened to her brother repeating those words over and over, but eventually she got up and wiped at what remained of her tears. He wasn't going to help. She'd have to help herself. She was stupid to have hoped he'd help her. Father always said she had to be independent. Independence was a necessary trait in a leader. Leaders couldn't trust people.

She took a deep breath and went to her room. She took deep breath after deep breath before she lay down on her bed. She wrapped her arms tightly around one of her pillows. She didn't understand what was happening to her family, she didn't. Her eyes were stinging again and soon she began to cry quietly into her pillow. She could stop until hours later when she heard more shouting, but this time it was desperate and pleading, not angry.

She got up slowly and peeked out of her room. Mother…she was outside Zuzu's door. She was raking her hands up and down the heavy stone and she pulled on the handles fruitlessly. "I'm sorry Zuko, please open up! Please my baby!" she pleaded desperately, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!"

Azula sank down in her doorway as she watched her mother plead again and again with Zuzu. Something was twisting in her gut, it felt cold and mean. She glared at her mother and wished she'd just _die!_ She briefly wanted _Zuko_ to die too, but…but he protected her, Zuzu protected her. She needed him still, but Mother didn't protect her so she could die. Azula turned away from them. Her throat was still tight and her hands were clenched tightly at her sides.

She didn't understand.

* * *

_**His thoughts were slowing down now. They plodded to the surface and memories came with…**_

Zuko looked at the painter. He wanted to escape, he wanted to leave. The hand on his shoulder was heating up and clamped tighter around him. It claimed possession, stated to all those who cared to look that Zuko was owned by the man behind him.

Zuko shifted his gaze away from the painter. Azula was across from them, she was kneeling primly at her their mother's feet. What he wouldn't give to be kneeling there!

_He_ coughed slightly and Zuko tilted his head back slightly to look at Him. There was dangerous look in His eyes that made Zuko shudder. The boy knew what that meant. Zuko watched the sadistic smile stretch across Hislips.

Zuko wanted to claw His face off. He wanted to take a knife and carve out His heart and crush it in between his fingers. He wanted to set the bastard on fire and watch Him slowly burn. But he couldn't…he was too afraid to, he was too weak to. He wanted to escape, he wanted to escape so badly! But what if…what if _He_ uses Azula in Zuko's place?!

He knew it was wrong now, he knew it was so terribly wrong. Mother told him so many years ago that it was bad, but it still happened. She tried to keep him away from Him, but He always won their fights, and it hurt. It hurt so much. He screamed for help, for someone to stop this, he screamed things at Him, called Him names. Rapist, was the most severe term he spat at Him. Zuko would be hurt badly for it, every time. Be it with switches or burnings or choking or beatings, he would be hurt. He wanted to escape, he wanted to but…but he was too scared.

Zuko couldn't dismiss the little voice that wondered if this was love, if this was how He showed love. Would anyone love Zuko if he escaped? Mother seemed to love him even now, but she was disgusted too, and so scared… Could Zuko even live without Him?

Ozai didn't like the painter, he was staring at _his _Zuko. He was staring at what belonged to Ozai, and he was not staring at the boy the way a professional ought to. It boiled his blood to think that perhaps the boy was enticing the painter, that he was drawing the other man's gaze. That was unacceptable!

He coughed slightly and Zuko tilted his head back to back to look at him. He liked that position, he liked it an awful lot. But he did not like the boy's little whorish ways, Zuko was _his_ to fuck, _his_ to look at, _his _and no one else's. He'd have to remind the boy of that. He smiled as he thought of which toy to use…the chains perhaps? The scalpels? Perhaps he'd carve his name on the boy, show the world Zuko was his and only _his._ Mmm…that sounded wonderful.

Ever since the boy began to rebel against him—and it was all thanks to the fucking whore of his mother! She broke his belief in the innocence of it all! She ruined everything just like Ozai's mother ruined everything for him—Ozai found he enjoyed the fighting Zuko put up. He enjoyed seeing him eventually give in, and he enjoyed the few scant times he brought the boy to completion. It was…delicious to see the boy come undone against his will, just like Ozai had been subjected. Zuko could fight all he liked, he succumbed eventually. He _always _did, be it in stopping his struggles and screaming, or be it in allowing his body to feel.

He wished the bitch hadn't ruined it, though Ozai doubted he would have convinced Zuko to let him hurt him while having sex. He doubted a compliant Zuko would have allowed it or understood it, but a resisting Zuko was practically asking for it.

As soon as the portrait was done, they would be leaving for _their_ Room in the Ember Island royal beach house. Ozai smiled at the painter, and perhaps once the portrait was finished, he'd have_ him_ vanish for looking at Ozai's Zuko.

Yes, that sounded perfect.

Azula wanted to frown but she kept up her slight smile. Mother hand her hands folded in her lap, unlike Father who had one hand on Zuko's shoulder. Why wouldn't Mother set her hand on Azula's shoulder? Why? Was she such a monster?! She only burned a few of those stupid turtle-ducks Zuko and Mother played with. She only burned off all of that stupid girl's hair because she teased Ty Lee and Mai. Azula wasn't a monster!

Mother was mean and wrong and biased! She looked over at her father and brother. Father hated Zuzu but _he_ still put his hand on Zuko's shoulder. Why wouldn't Mother do the same for her? And the painter, he seemed absolutely fascinated with Zuzu. Zuko of all people! It was always Zuko! Everyone found him fascinating, everyone fought over him!

At last! Azula hopped to her feet as the painter set down his painting equipment and revealed to them the still wet painting. She barely gave it a second glance, like the rest of them. Azula waited for a moment and vainly wished her brother or parents wanted to play with her on the beach, though she was old enough to go by herself, she wanted to pretend like they were really a family. Zuzu was halfway towards her, but their parents converged on him, and the painter. That really shouldn't have been a surprise, but it still hurt.

She slowly moved toward one of the pillars in the main entrance, but she could still hear them talking. She leaned against it and watched out of the corner of her eye as the painter began to shyly talk.

"Uh-umm, par-pardon me, Princess Ursa , Prince Ozai," he addressed each of her parents with a slight bow before continuing, "but I was-was wondering if-if perhaps, Prince Zuko might be a model for-for my work?"

"Absolutely not!" "Of course!" her parents responded at the same time before the timid man was even finished speaking. Father looked angry and was glaring at the painter. One hand was on Zuko's shoulder and his other hand blazed with fire. One of Mother's hands occupied Zuko's other shoulder and she was glaring at Father. It was always a fight over _him_, always! It wasn't fair!

Father took a deep breath and extinguished the fire in his hand while his face became neutral, "Why are you interested in_ my_ son? Do you have some insidious intention, hmm? Should I remind you, _painter_, that he is part of the royal family?" Father threatened.

Azula shuddered. Her father sounded so vicious and deadly, and that was for Zuko. Always for Zuko. He never got over protective over her, not that many people even dared try to come close to her.

"Yes, your _son,_" Mother hissed, "and I'm sure the painter has no ill intentions," she then looked demurely at the man. "Well?"

"Ah-ah, well," the man stumbled. Azula was surprised her father hadn't burned the man for wasting his time with stuttering, "Prince Zuko," the man began before frowning, "There is this sadness I cannot describe, that the artist in me wishes to draw."

Father instantly became defensive and even began to draw Zuko toward him, "Are you trying to insinuate something, _painter_," Father sneered.

Mother tugged Zuko back toward her, "By Agni Ozai!" she exclaimed in exasperation, "So what if he is!? Let him paint Zuko."

Zuko and the painter looked awkwardly between her fighting parents. "I-I will just leave—"

"Shut up!" her parents screamed at the painter. Before they got up in each other's face while holding tightly to Zuko. He gave a pleading look to the painter but the timid man was already hurriedly packing up.

"I will let someone paint Zuko when the Northern Water Tribe comes outside of their walls," he exclaimed sarcastically. "Now excuse us," Father over annunciated and began to pull more harshly on Zuko.

"You are not taking him from me!" Mother retorted and pulled harshly on Zuko in her direction.

"Learn your place woman, you do not order me around!" Father hissed before striking her. They all knew it would end this way, it always ended his way. Zuko looked at Mother sadly as he was pulled away with Father. Why did Zuko have to look sad all the time! He had Mother and Father fighting over him! It wasn't fair! She hated them all!

Fighting back the stinging in her eyes, Azula prepared to walk away but Mother fell to the ground and began sobbing into her hands. Even though she knew it would hurt worse, she looked over her shoulder at Mother, sobbing for Zuko. Sobbing at whatever would happen to him while with Father. Why didn't she cry over her?!

Mother looked up from her hands, consequently she was looking right at Azula, "Azula?" she called weakly before opening her arms, as if asking for a hug. Azula felt her heart pick up pace as she stared at her mother in shock. She was…she was asking for a hug. Part of Azula wanted to scoff at her and storm away, but the part of her that was a little girl wanted her mother to hold her, to comfort her.

Azula needed comforting _too!_ She had been so confused for so long. It felt like all her memories were of confusion, confusion about her family.

She walked calmly toward her mother before she was tugged onto the woman's lap and enveloped in her warm embrace. Azula closed her eyes as she took in her mother's perfume. She missed this smell, she missed having it all around her. She couldn't hold the sting back any longer and it spilled over. She began to cry with her mother.

They cried together for some wonderful indeterminable amount of time. "Oh Azula, my little girl," her mother sobbed. "I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to do," she whispered brokenly into Azula's hair. "I love you both _so _much… but I let him hurt you both…oh my babies…"

What was Mother talking about? Who had hurt them? Father? Father only hurt Zuko. Azula frowned but kept her head tucked under her mother's chin as she continued to whisper brokenly.

"I wish I was stronger…I wish I was, so that I could protect you both."

"Mother?" Azula began softly, "What are you talking about?"

Mother pulled back slightly and part of Azlua wanted to cry at the loss of protection and warmth. Mother looked at her strangely before she laughed bitterly. She shook her head back and forth, "Oh my darling…the truth nearly destroyed me. I wouldn't put you through that."

Azula frowned again, "Mother, are you talking about Father?" Her face was red and blotchy but she didn't give anything away to Azula, "Because Father's only ever hurt Zuko."

Her mother shook her head again and cupped Azula's face, "Oh my little girl, he's hurt you too. He puts too great of expectations on you and he's forced me away from you."

Azula bit her cheeks. She wanted to yell at her mother, call her a liar because it was _she_ who kept away from Azula. Father never made her do anything, Mother just never wanted her around…But then…then all of her lessons and firebending instruction was with father and the teachers he chose. Her time was practically filled with that, and the rest of her time was spent studying, or watching her parents fight over Zuko.

She swallowed, as if that would take away her anger and sudden nervousness, "Then be with me now," she whispered. Mother smiled at her sadly and nodded.

"Come," she called as she stood up and held out her hand, "Do you still like playing dress-up? Or is that too weak and childish?" her mother teased in a warbling voice.

Azula looked up with wide eyes. She couldn't believe it, her mother…she was… Azula just nodded her head, not sure she could trust her voice. Mother laughed weakly and began to lead the way to her part of the royal beach house.

Azula tried not to express it, but that day ended up being the best day she ever had. Mother combed her hair and let Azula wear her jewelry. Mother plaited her and then put it up in the most intricate design. Azula got to wear charcoal on her eyes and powder on her face. Mother painted her lips and eyelids before she handed over the brushes over to her. Never had Azula held a brush more steadily and deftly. She felt some inexplicable joy at being allowed to paint her mother's face.

When they were done putting on make-up, Mother brought out the most beautiful silks Azula had ever seen. They played with the different sashes and inner robe combinations before they finished. Mother had her twirl in front of the mirror where she caught glimpses of two strange beautiful creatures. One wore robes too big for it, but the creature looked so happy as it spun and spun and spun.

"Let's go to the theatre!" her mother called, as she grabbed hold of Azula's shoulders to steady her. Mother still looked sad but at the same time she was happy. She gently cupped Azula's face and looked on her fondly, "My beautiful little princess, someday you will make men fall to their knees, be it with your beauty or skill." Azula ducked her head and felt heat rise on her cheeks. She tentatively reached out for her mother's hands. Mother pulled back and they began walking out of the room. Azula gathered up the robes so she wouldn't trip and they began making their way toward the theatre.

…

Ozai stared down at Zuko and then at his hands. He shook his head in horror. No! No! He didn't, he hadn't meant to! He just wanted him to stop screaming those horrible names! He wasn't a rapist, that was Grandfather… He shook his head again and again.

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't believe what had happened. No! He hadn't meant for this to happen! Zuko was his, Zuko was his, he-he…Ozai gasped for breath, much like his son had been. He shook his head and moved his ear once more to the boy's chest. Silent, no heartbeat. No Spirits no! No! He needed Zuko, he needed him!

He wasn't supposed to die, he wasn't allowed to die! Ozai began to choke as he sobbed and cradled the already cooling body. No….No…

No…Zuko thought miserably, no… He had been with Great-grandmother Ilah and his Aunt when the Sisters showed up. They held their hands out to him beckoning him. He shook his head and wrapped his arms around his Aunt's neck, but then his Aunt was pushing him away.

"Tell my dear Iroh I love him so much," she whispered before she pushed him into the arms of the Sisters. Zuko couldn't stop himself from crying. He was finally free but they were pulling him back! He didn't want this!

"We will bless you, child of our fire," they whispered as they always did. They were already pulling him out of the Spirit World.

"Why?! Why?! I don't want to go back, don't make me!" he screamed and fought against their hold, but their scaled hands became claws that held onto him tightly.

"You have a destiny to fulfill, child of our fire," the Sister on the right murmured.

"You cannot die yet, son of our fire," the other Sister whispered.

"Please!" Zuko pleaded, "Please, I want to die, let me die!"

They just shook their heads in response and continued on their way.

Zuko knew he was alive again because he could feel pain. It radiated up his spine in its sharp, agonizing jolts. His neck was tender too, and swollen, so swollen he could hardly breathe. There was a weight on him and warmth around him, but the pain was all he could really focus on.

Slowly other senses came back. He could smell _Him_ all around them, and the scent of musk and sex. It was repulsive and thick, but below it was the smell of copper, of blood. Zuko's blood… He could taste now too…the coppery tang of blood and something salty. His lips were wet, it tasted of salt…almost like tears. It wasn't anything else, He stopped doing _that_ when Zuko attempted to bite Him.

Zuko's hearing was coming back now. There was the sound of the Sisters in the Sun, they were whispering their mantra over and over. They were blessing him, blessing him. He wanted to scoff, they were_ cursing_ him! However, there were other noises, like the roar of the beach and the cries of the tropical animals. But…but there was something else, another voice, _His_ voice. It was low and trembling, pleading: "Zuko, Zuko, Zuko" over and over again He pleaded, begged, sobbed. It was disgusting.

But the impulse to breathe growing stronger, and the more oxygen, no matter how slight, was awakening more and more of his senses. At last he could see, though there was very little that he could see. There was His hair, it was blocking his sight, but it shifted as He moved. The Sisters were still hovering over Zuko and he tried to glare.

He had been free! He had been free but they pulled him back! Tears began to roll down his face and his breathing became faster.

"Oh Spirits don't toy with me," _He_ begged brokenly. He knew then, and Zuko couldn't pretend he was dead still.

Zuko watched helplessly as He shifted his gaze up and stared in disbelief. Zuko kept gasping as he tried to breathe through his swollen throat and cry at the same time. He wanted to be dead, he wanted to be dead!

"Oh Zuko….Zuko!" He held Zuko closely as He murmured his relief into Zuko's hair.

Ozai couldn't believe it. But there was his son, alive again, or perhaps he had been alive that whole time?! Yes that must be it. He would never let that happen again, never. He cradled the boy to his chest, his precious Zuko, his boy.

His throat was a deep purple, and swollen. It was probably difficult to breathe. Ozai pushed back his remorse as he shifted and gently began to carry the boy to the bath in the room. It had already been filled with water, it was just a matter of heating it.

Ozai cradled the boy to his chest. He was breathing raggedly, but at least he was breathing again. Ozai washed way the blood and semen from Zuko, but he continued to keep any remorse back. "We'll find you a healer, a healer that won't ask questions…" he brushed at the boy's tear streaked face. "And we'll never have a close call like this again…" he whispered as he bent to down to peck at unresponsive lips. Zuko was glaring at him when Ozai pulled back.

Anger was burning in his stomach but he pushed it down. He admittedly missed the days when Zuko looked up at him with such wide and adoring eyes. Now though…the boy just glared. It was that whore's fault, she ruined everything for them…she ruined what they had, she corrupted it. It was pure before, but now it was something bad and corrupted…just like when Mother found out about what Grandfather Sozin did to him. Did to only him but never to Iroh.

Ozai stroked Zuko's face again; he saw so much of himself in the boy. He had hoped to protect him from the pain he had felt, but he couldn't. Those damn whores had to ruin everything, had to corrupt the game, the affair. There could be nothing wrong with what he and Zuko did, for he and Grandfather Sozin did the same…perhaps Grandfather was less violent than Ozai was with Zuko, but if Grandfather had been in his prime, surely he'd have been as vicious with Ozai as Ozai was with Zuko when he disobeyed.

"We'll never have a close call again," he whispered once more, which only made the boy cry more.

* * *

Azula had her knees up to her chest. She had waited for Mother to visit before she left, but she didn't. She only visited Zuko…she didn't visit Azula. The girl hid her face in her knees. She refused to move, the servants would have to force her to go to Grandfather Azulon's pyre. Because Mother didn't love her as much as she claimed, she didn't say goodbye but she said goodbye to Zuko. And it was all _his_ fault Mother was gone! —NO! NO! It was Father's fault…he was the one who spoke so forwardly.

Azula clenched her pant legs tightly and held back her tears. She hated him, hated them! Mother was gone, Mother was gone! So she sat there, unloved like she always knew she was.

The first few servants who tried to get her ready for the funeral were burned, then Zuko, Zuzu, came in. He looked haunted and pale. He knelt on the bed before her, seemingly unaffected by her glare. "Father will come in soon…" Zuzu whispered before turning his face to the side to show off a slowly forming bruise, "He's in a bad mood."

Fear clenched her stomach. It was an irrational fear. Father wouldn't hit her like he hit Zuko because Zuko was weak and she was strong. Father wouldn't hurt her, but the little voice wondered if he would. Numbly she got dressed with her brother helping her into the multitudes of white silk.

"Why didn't she say goodbye to me?" Azula found herself asking as Zuzu helped her pull her hair into a bun.

Zuzu remained quiet and helped her with the last remaining touches. He then took the face powder Mother had given Azula and he began to apply it to his swollen cheek. He then turned to her and gave her a sad smile, "I'll say goodbye now then, just in case," he whispered and Azula frowned.

"Why?"

"Mother can't protect me anymore…" Zuzu whispered but his voice caught in the middle.

Azula was about to ask what he meant when the door opened and their father was there in a white version of coronation robes. "You're both ready then," he asked sharply. Zuzu was looking at the floor in front of their father's feet, he nodded and Azula nodded numbly beside him. They were beckoned forward, and like obedient motherless children they did as they were instructed.

Azula had a knot in her stomach all through the coronation. She should be happy, she was in line for the throne, but…but what Zuzu said before scared her. What did he mean he should say goodbye? Was he going to chase after their mother, or…or did he mean something more permanent. She swallowed thickly and tentatively reached her fingers toward her brother's hand as she brushed her shoulder against his arm. He curled his fingers around hers when they were close enough. She didn't want—no! She _couldn't have_ Zuzu leave her too.

But everything happened so quickly. Father was busy with war councils while Azula and Zuzu greeted well-wishers and brown-nosers. They were kept busy until late that night when Zuz-Zuko was called to meet with Father. She wanted her brother, she needed him now more than ever because Mother had decided to leave—to abandon her—without saying goodbye to her. She needed her Zuzu, her big brother to cry with and tell her that Mother did love her. She needed the Zuzu she could tease about his inept bending, and she needed the Zuzu that hugged her when no one else did. She needed her Zuzu, not the Zuko that stole all the attention. She needed her brother. But he was called away.

…

Ozai hurried down the corridors. He shouldn't have summoned Zuko so early, but then Ozai had figured the General wouldn't have talked for so long. He glared at Yan Zhi who stepped aside from the closed doors. Ozai nodded and entered their room but froze in the doorway before rushing forward.

"Call for the healer!" he shouted at Yan Zhi before he rushed to his pale son's side. Not again, damn it, not again! Blood, blood everywhere. Should he cauterize, but then there will be scars and everyone would know.

"We are here, Fire Lord." Ozai turned around, startled by the sudden appearance of two women. They weren't the healer he was expecting and he glared at them suspiciously but they glided across the room to the so still Zuko. The shook their heads and set their hands on Zuko's slit arms. The cuts ran down the length of his forearm and there was a nick at the boy's neck.

Why?! Why would he do this!? Was he…was he trying to escape him? Ozai felt his blood boil. He would not let that happen. Zuko was his! His, damn it all!

When the women pulled away from their healing, the wounds were gone…completely gone. He looked over at them but they just…just vanished. Spirits…had those been Spirits, but of who?! He shook his head, that didn't matter near as much as his son surviving. Ozai began to check his son's pulse; it was there, though it was weak.

How dare Zuko try to kill himself, how dare he try to die! He wasn't allowed to die! He wasn't allowed to leave Ozai! He slapped Zuko hard across the face, "Wake up damn it, wake up!" he began to shake the boy which roused him.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again!" Ozai hissed in the boy's face. Zuko glared at him defiantly in response, "That is unacceptable behavior of the royal line, you fight and you persevere, you do _not _give up!"

"Just let me die," Zuko pleaded feebly. Ozai glared down at him and dropped the boy in… shock, hate, disgust. How…how could he say that?

Ozai watched the pale boy as he breathed slowly, weakly. Zuko would try again and again to leave him, and if those women were Spirits and were keeping Zuko alive…then eventually the boy would try to runaway. No…he couldn't let that happen…

He needed something, something Zuko cared about, as leverage over the boy. With that useless whore gone he lost his main source of leverage. There was no one else the boy was particularly fond of…no, there was one person. Ozai found his solution.

He smiled in satisfaction, "Try to leave me in any way…" Ozai began as he leaned in toward Zuko's face. He grabbed the boy's chin, "and your little Lala," he mocked, "will become your replacement."

Zuko stiffened under him and shook his head slowly. Ozai nodded, though it was a blatant lie, he wanted Zuko and only Zuko. Azula would never satisfy him just like Ursa never could, but the boy didn't need to know that.

Zuko closed his eyes and tried to turn his head away from Ozai, but with his hand capturing the boy's chin, he couldn't.

"Have I made myself clear?" the boy nodded feebly. "Good."

There was the sound of someone running down the hall. Ozai pulled away from Zuko in time for the healer to enter the room. The healer took one look at the bloody knife by Zuko's thigh, the bloody sheets, and Zuko's pale complexion and put two and two together. The man pursed his lips and shook his head.

"Have you treated the cuts then, Fire Lord Ozai?" the healer asked and Ozai nodded. "Water then, lots of it, and he'll need to keep the wounds wrapped up," the healer stated before reaching out for one of Zuko's arms. He frowned at the healed state and looked up at Ozai in confusion.

"Later Healer, I don't want him to go into shock," Ozai ordered while Zuko lay on the bed staring blankly at the ceiling. "He is my heir, even if he so distraught over his mother's treason he'd rather take his life than live." He couldn't stay in here any longer. He turned on his heel and hurried out of the room while the healer did what little he had to do.

* * *

Azula frowned as she watched her brother move about the palace. He hugged the walls and shadows, as if he wanted to blend into them and hide. He was pale and thin, very thin. When he practiced firebending his ribs protruded and he often had to quit halfway through his katas.

"Oh Zuzu!" she sang mockingly to catch his attention. He turned toward her and nodded his head. "Your fuddy-duddy uncle was looking for you," she sneered before looking at her finger nails. "Something about a war council. It would be about time you went to one," she mocked. Zuko just nodded his head again and continued his quiet walk down the hallways.

Azula glared after him before she turned on her heel. She didn't understand him! A week ago she might have gotten a reaction out of him, but now he was in one of his sad spells. She hated it. She wanted her Zuzu back, not this vacant shell. He was thin, scary thin…

She bit her lip and paused in the middle of the hallway. It had been years since Mother left and Zuzu never said goodbye again. Though sometimes it felt like he was gone…he didn't react to her jibes, he barely spoke, he just was there but not. She…she felt afraid.

Father would get angry with Zuzu but that made things worse. It was when Father was too busy to see either of them that Zuzu got better, that he started to living, but when Father made a surprise visit Zuzu shut off again.

Azula wrapped her arms around body and wished she had Zuzu and not ghost Zuko. She needed a brother she could tease and play with. She needed a brother who hugged her when she was worried and scared. She glared and shook her head. She didn't need anyone, she had to be independent! She had to be.

…

Zuko greeted his uncle with a slight smile as he sat down across from him. They were having tea, which was to be expected and why he hadn't asked Azula where their uncle was. As Uncle began talking, Zuko wondered if He would visit again. Zuko was still sore from the other night; he didn't want to go through that again so soon. But he would if He desired it. Zuko had to keep Azula safe.

"Nephew, you seem distracted," Uncle stated with a sigh, Zuko looked up at him and shook his head. Uncle sighed and offered a bowl of buns to him. "You look like you could use a snack."

Zuko looked down at the bowl of steaming buns. His mouth began to salivate but not in an appetizing way, no, Zuko felt sick. He looked away from the bowl. Food hadn't tasted good or desirable for some time now. He felt too anxious about his sister to want to eat. When he did, food was heavy and was difficult to swallow.

"Please Prince Zuko," his uncle tried again. Zuko looked down at the table between them before he accepted one of the buns. He didn't want to worry Uncle. He felt bad when he did; after all, Uncle had lost Lu Ten, and Aunt was waiting in the Spirit World for them…

Zuko was disturbed by that, they should have been reincarnated but they hadn't…it was worrisome. Was something wrong? Was it the war perhaps? Great -grandmother Ilah hadn't cycled back through, and she died after the war started…after the Avatar went missing…

Zuko bit slightly into the bun and chewed. It made his stomach roil and he was ready to spit out the food but he forced himself to swallow despite the sick feeling growing inside of him.

"What is on your mind, my nephew?" Uncle looked at him with a gentle expression and Zuko tried to smile reassuringly, but he knew he failed.

"Uncle…you went to the Spirit World, right?" Uncle's expression became hard and shut off, but Zuko persisted, "Has the war affected it? Have our lost ones been able to come back into the world?"

Uncle looked down at the cup in his hands, "No… The Avatar is the shepherd between the worlds, until he returns the souls of our loved ones will wait in the Spirit world until they can be reborn."

"Just the Avatar's presence allows the ancestors to be reincarnated?" Iroh gave a parital nod to Zuko's question and the boy looked down at his lap again. "I see…"

"Why were you wondering?"

"I just assumed there had to be consequences for the war."

Uncle just nodded, before he set down his teacup. "You have matured, my nephew, perhaps you are old enough to attend a war council meeting."

Zuko looked up in surprise, part of him felt exhilarated by the prospect but another part of him thought of Him being there and…and he felt so afraid.

"Well, finish up that bun and we'll get you in proper raiment for the meeting," Uncle stated cheerfully. Zuko found himself smiling as he quickly finished eating the bun, he didn't even feel all that sick eating the thing.

…

Azula peeked around the corner to where she could hear that stupid Uncle Iroh and her Father talking to each other. Well, perhaps talking was too generous a term. It was more like they were restraining themselves from yelling at each other. Her heart was beating I her chest as she edged closer to hear them.

"You have no right to comment on how I raise my children. You lost yours because of your own foolish plans."

"That may be so, but I never once beat Lu Ten. Look at Zuko! He's a wraith, what do you do to him!? He's terrified of you and he hardly eats. It's as if he wants to die."

"Need I remind you_, General_, I am the Fire Lord."

"Fire Lord yes, but you are also a parent and a lousy one!"

There was the sound of fire being blasted, accompanied by the flash of light.

"Good day, General, and I will repeat. What I do with my children, especially when they misbehave, is my own concern and none of yours!"

Azula remained where she was and heard her uncle sigh heavily, "Princess Azula, you know it is not proper to eavesdrop."

Straightening while pretending to not feel embarrassed, she emerged from her hiding place and greeted her uncle. "General Iroh," her tone was cool and her hands were behind her back.

"Princess Azula…" her uncle began in a chastising tone but just shook his head, "Have you seen your brother then?"

"Yes…" she folded her arms over her chest and inspected one of her hands in contempt. It was always Zuko! Everyone wanted to know about Zuko, everyone focused on him. "He's getting dressed for the war council." As an afterthought she added, "He'll be done soon."

"Thank you Princess Azula" Uncle bowed and began walking away. Azula sighed and wondered what exactly would happen during the council. In the meantime, she supposed she could spend time with Ty Lee and Mai.

…

Zuko shifted in his armor. When the guard said he was not permitted to enter, he was ready to turn and leave then, but then Uncle arrived and allowed him to enter. Zuko sat stiffly beside his uncle and listened quietly to the battle plans the generals were offering up. All the while, Zuko was extremely conscious of His gaze being on him. Zuko couldn't tell what exactly He was thinking, perhaps He was angry Zuko was sitting beside Uncle and not Him, or perhaps He was imagining what they could do later in that Room.

Zuko ignored the gaze as best he could and focused on the battle plans. One general had made the suggestion to sacrifice an entire battalion of recruits. No veterans, just green-horn recruits. They would be slaughtered and then they would have to wait indefinitely until they could be reincarnated!

Without really thinking of the consequences, he stood up and spoke out against the battle plan. They were just a distraction, fodder; how could his nation allow this? But after the words were out, Zuko remembered his place his ever present fear. The flames behind him shot up as He emerged from the Dragon Throne enraged.

Zuko sat back down weakly onto the pillow beside the council table. He bowed his head as he was told he'd have to go through an Agni Kai. When he was dismissed, Zuko knew he was to wait in that damn room. And he did, shaking in fear for what would happen.

…

Azula looked at her brother, lying so pale against the bed sheets in the hospital wing. His leg was in a cast, though she didn't know how he could have gotten that in the Agni Kai. His face was half covered in bandages and she grimaced, wondering if he could even see through that eye.

She couldn't believe how things had changed so drastically. Zuzu was to be banished! Like Mother, but damn it! She'd make sure he said goodbye. She glanced over at her sleeping uncle, she doubted he was really asleep but was only pretending to give her privacy.

Hesitantly she sat down on the bed, "Dum-dum, why'd you do that?" she whispered before she lay down and hugged him. She felt bandages wrapped around his chest through the thin sheet. How had he gotten that injury?

Sure, when Zuko arrived for the Agni Kai he was walking stiffly and now that she thought about it, his chest was covered in powder…She bit her lip and wished she could hold him tighter. She knew Father beat him, but…but to hurt him so severely before his Agni Kai? What would he do to her when she misbehaved?

She needed Zuzu, she need him. To be there to tease and to support her. She needed her brother to feel like she still had a family, to feel that she was loved by someone.

"What do you think you're doing?" Azula sat up quickly and turned to see her father glaring at her.

"I-I…" words failed her and she shook under his glare.

"He is no longer you brother, no longer part of our nation. He is an exile. Now leave," he ordered in a low voice, in that overprotective tone he always used when things pertained to Zuko. Azula hurried out of the room, pushing back her tears, but they came anyways.

Ozai glared at his brother who was just staring after Azula's exit. "You want to comfort her, then do so!" he snapped. Iroh just remained in his seat.

"I don't trust you alone with him."

Ozai glared harder at his brother. The lucky one, the one who no harm ever came to. "Need I remind you, _General_—"

"That you are the Fire Lord, yes, yes I am fully away of that Ozai!" Iroh snapped as he stood up, "But you fractured three of his ribs, broke his leg, and sprained his wrist last night. So forgive me if I cannot trust you around the boy when you beat him so soundly the night before his Agni Kai with you. And now the boy will be lucky if can see at all!"

Yes, Ozai had lost it in his rage, but he just knew the boy had spoken out so that he could get an Agni Kai, so that he could die or be exiled. He knew the boy had plotted it all out, and it pissed him off. How dare he try to leave him again!? He was half tempted to just chain the boy to his bed and never let him leave, but then…then an idea came to him.

The boy would get more and more desperate, who knew how far away the boy was from snapping and trying to kill him? Perhaps a break from Ozai was needed, besides, Ozai's reign was still new and he had yet to win over all of the Generals. He needed to focus on them, on winning them over. Zuko was always a distraction.

So he devised a plan. Eventually the citizens would wonder why he hadn't remarried, and if he could remarry with one whom could curry more favor with the peasants, well…that was perfect. Yes…if his "bride" was claimed to be of low-birth, he would win over his country fully. He knew there were murmurs of dissent, especially with all of the rights of conscription being passed around.

Ozai had planned it all out. The boy would have three years to find a suitable bargaining chip to free himself from Ozai without negative repercussions to his sister. This of course was the Avatar, and hopefully during those three years of fruitless searching, Zuko would realize just how much he needed Ozai, just like Ozai need him.

It would all work out, and he would have a compliant Zuko again.

Ozai looked over at Iroh, "You intend to leave with him?" Ozai knew Iroh would not try to take Zuko from him, but he still feared that prospect. He was livid when he saw Azula hugging _his_ Zuko, but again, he knew it was platonic and nothing more; however, it still made his blood boil.

"Yes," Iroh was glaring at him and had placed himself between Ozai and Zuko.

"Then you set sail at dawn," Ozai turned on his heel and left. If he stayed any longer, he was not sure what he might do to Iroh or Zuko.

* * *

**A suivre**

* * *

**A/N:  
** So... if the reincarnation thing is strange, I apologize. I'm working it out that so long as the avatar isn't in avatar state, then the souls can be reborn because the avatar state disrupts the cycle since all his past lives are present in that moment. Yeah...that's my thinking for it. Anyways, I hope you guys weren't too disgusted by the chapter. And like I said, I added fifty shades of gray to the situation, and if you want to villanize Sozin, ask yourself if someone might have molested him as a child? Answer, possibly. I find that its a vicious cycle. Anyways, next chapter will come out in probably months. Sorry if the last few sections were rough. Anyways, thank you for reading ~ with love, depressedchildren


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